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Shakefield town, 1995 and now: IELTS Task 1 answer #20, band 6.5

A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.

186 words. Marked by Axiom on 18 December 2024. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

The map this answer describes

Shakefield town, 1995 and now: what the maps show

1995

  • The central area above the main road is dominated by a Public park and a small Hotel.
  • The right-hand area above the road has Farm land in the top-right corner.
  • The coastal/marine area at the bottom left features a Fish market and Morning fish boat.

Present

  • The Public park was replaced by Holiday homes and a Car park.
  • The Farm land in the top right was replaced by a Golf Course and a Tennis Course.
  • The fishing facilities (Fish market and Morning fish boat) were replaced by Apartments and leisure Yachts in the sea.
  • The Sport area was replaced by a Restaurant, while Housing expanded.
  • The Hotel expanded in size, and the Coffee shop remained unchanged.
New by Present
Restaurant, Apartment, Holiday homes, Car park, Golf Course, Tennis Course, Yacht
Gone by Present
Sport, Fish market, Morning fish boat, Public park, Farm land

Academic Task 1186 words

The diagram below shows the changes of the town named Shakfield from 1995 until now.

The maps show the main changes that have taken place in the town of Shakefield since 1995.

It is also clear that there have been significant changes to the public park, fishing area, and farmland.

  1. Coherence & cohesion

    RevisedOverall, Shakefield has transformed into a modern town with increased housing and various recreational facilities, as well as significant changes to the public park, fishing area, and farmland.

    Combining sentences provides a smoother transition between ideas.

In 1995, a large public park was located in the center of the town, while the northeastern area was occupied by farmland. The area near the sea was used for fishing, with a fish market and morning fishing boats operating along the coast. In the northwest, there were fewer houses and sports facilities.

At present, Shakefield has undergone significant changes. Additionally, an apartment complex has been constructed.

  1. Coherence & cohesion

    RevisedThe farmland has been converted into a golf course and tennis court, while the sports facility has been replaced by a restaurant.

    Using 'while' improves the comparison between changes.

  2. Grammar & accuracy

    RevisedThe hotel has expanded to include holiday homes, and a new car park has been added nearby.

    Using 'expanded' as an active verb form is more concise.

  3. Coherence & cohesion

    RevisedThe fish market has been removed, and the fishing boats have been replaced by a yacht marina along the coast.

    Simplifying the sentence structure improves clarity.

  4. Lexical resource

    RevisedThe coffee shop remains unchanged.

    'Remains unchanged' is more concise.

Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.

Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.

Coherence & cohesion

Band 7.0/ 9

The essay is well-organized with clear paragraphs and logical progression of ideas. However, some transitions between ideas could be smoother.

Suggestions

  • Use more linking words to improve flow.
  • Ensure all parts of the diagram are covered evenly.
  • Clarify the sequence of changes over time.

Sentence revisions 3

  • RevisedOverall, Shakefield has transformed into a modern town with increased housing and various recreational facilities, as well as significant changes to the public park, fishing area, and farmland.

    Combining sentences provides a smoother transition between ideas.

  • RevisedThe farmland has been converted into a golf course and tennis court, while the sports facility has been replaced by a restaurant.

    Using 'while' improves the comparison between changes.

  • RevisedThe fish market has been removed, and the fishing boats have been replaced by a yacht marina along the coast.

    Simplifying the sentence structure improves clarity.

Grammar & accuracy

Band 6.0/ 9

The essay demonstrates a range of grammatical structures, but there are some errors that affect clarity.

Sentence revisions 3

  • RevisedThe fish market has already been demolished, and the fishing boats have been replaced by a yacht marina along the coast.

    Correcting word order and punctuation improves grammatical accuracy.

  • RevisedAdditionally, an apartment complex has been built.

    'Built' is a simpler verb choice that maintains the same meaning.

  • RevisedThe hotel has expanded to include holiday homes, and a new car park has been added nearby.

    Using 'expanded' as an active verb form is more concise.

Lexical resource

Band 7.0/ 9

The vocabulary is appropriate and varied, though there are minor issues with word choice and repetition.

Sentence revisions 3

  • RevisedMajor alterations to the public park, fishing area, and farmland.

    Using synonyms like 'major alterations' avoids repetition.

  • RevisedThe fish market has already been demolished.

    'Demolished' is a more precise term than 'destroyed' in this context.

  • RevisedThe coffee shop remains unchanged.

    'Remains unchanged' is more concise.

Task achievement

Band 7.0/ 9

The essay addresses the task effectively, describing the main changes in Shakefield. However, some details could be expanded.

Suggestions

  • Include more detail on housing changes.
  • Discuss the impact of changes on the town.
  • Clarify the sequence of changes.

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