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Shakefield town, 1995 and now: IELTS Task 1 answer #21, band 5.0

A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.

174 words. Marked by Axiom on 18 December 2024. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

The map this answer describes

Shakefield town, 1995 and now: what the maps show

1995

  • The central area above the main road is dominated by a Public park and a small Hotel.
  • The right-hand area above the road has Farm land in the top-right corner.
  • The coastal/marine area at the bottom left features a Fish market and Morning fish boat.

Present

  • The Public park was replaced by Holiday homes and a Car park.
  • The Farm land in the top right was replaced by a Golf Course and a Tennis Course.
  • The fishing facilities (Fish market and Morning fish boat) were replaced by Apartments and leisure Yachts in the sea.
  • The Sport area was replaced by a Restaurant, while Housing expanded.
  • The Hotel expanded in size, and the Coffee shop remained unchanged.
New by Present
Restaurant, Apartment, Holiday homes, Car park, Golf Course, Tennis Course, Yacht
Gone by Present
Sport, Fish market, Morning fish boat, Public park, Farm land

Academic Task 1174 words

The diagram below shows the changes of the town named Shakfield from 1995 until now.

  1. Lexical resource

    RevisedThe diagrams illustrate the main changes that took place in the town of Shakfield between 1995 and the present.

    Improves word choice and sentence structure.

  1. Coherence & cohesion

    RevisedOverall, the comparison of the two maps illustrates that the previously functional area has been extensively modified and modernized over time.

    Clarifies the time frame and improves sentence structure.

There was also a farm land in the northeast.

  1. Grammar & accuracy

    RevisedIn 1995, groves occupied a larger area than houses.

    Removes unnecessary article for grammatical accuracy.

  2. Lexical resource

    RevisedThere was nothing around the hotel, and the number of houses was very small.

    Corrects grammatical errors and improves clarity.

  3. Grammar & accuracy

    RevisedThere were no sea amenities such as fishing and yachting.

    Corrects spelling errors and improves sentence structure.

The farm land area in the northeast has been transformed into a sport center namely of golf course and tennis courses. You can see that a parking lot is being built near hotel . There are also facilities for many activities at sea.

  1. Coherence & cohesion

    RevisedToday, the changes are evident: the roads have widened, and the number of houses has increased.

    Improves sentence clarity and coherence.

  1. Coherence & cohesion

    RevisedIn general, it seems that the town of Shakfield has transformed into a more modern area with a sports center, residential areas, and other facilities.

    Corrects grammatical errors and enhances clarity.

Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.

Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.

Coherence & cohesion

Band 5.0/ 9

The essay has a basic structure but lacks clear logical progression and coherence. Transitions between ideas are not smooth.

Suggestions

  • Use clear paragraphing to distinguish between different time periods.
  • Improve transitions between sentences for better flow.
  • Clarify the comparison between past and present.

Sentence revisions 3

  • RevisedOverall, the comparison of the two maps illustrates that the previously functional area has been extensively modified and modernized over time.

    Clarifies the time frame and improves sentence structure.

  • RevisedToday, the changes are evident: the roads have widened, and the number of houses has increased.

    Improves sentence clarity and coherence.

  • RevisedIn general, it seems that the town of Shakfield has transformed into a more modern area with a sports center, residential areas, and other facilities.

    Corrects grammatical errors and enhances clarity.

Grammar & accuracy

Band 5.0/ 9

The essay contains several grammatical errors and lacks complex sentence structures.

Sentence revisions 3

  • RevisedIn 1995, groves occupied a larger area than houses.

    Removes unnecessary article for grammatical accuracy.

  • RevisedThere were no sea amenities such as fishing and yachting.

    Corrects spelling errors and improves sentence structure.

  • RevisedA parking lot has been built near the hotel.

    Corrects verb tense for accuracy.

Lexical resource

Band 5.0/ 9

The vocabulary is adequate but lacks variety and precision. Some words are repetitive or used incorrectly.

Sentence revisions 3

  • RevisedThe diagrams illustrate the main changes that took place in the town of Shakfield between 1995 and the present.

    Improves word choice and sentence structure.

  • RevisedThere was nothing around the hotel, and the number of houses was very small.

    Corrects grammatical errors and improves clarity.

  • RevisedA parking lot has been constructed near the hotel.

    Uses more precise vocabulary and corrects tense.

Task achievement

Band 5.0/ 9

The essay addresses the task but lacks detailed comparisons and specific information from the diagrams.

Suggestions

  • Include more specific details from the diagrams.
  • Make clearer comparisons between 1995 and the present.
  • Ensure all relevant features are discussed.

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