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Shakefield town, 1995 and now: IELTS Task 1 answer #17, band 5.0

A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.

163 words. Marked by Axiom on 18 December 2024. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

The map this answer describes

Shakefield town, 1995 and now: what the maps show

1995

  • The central area above the main road is dominated by a Public park and a small Hotel.
  • The right-hand area above the road has Farm land in the top-right corner.
  • The coastal/marine area at the bottom left features a Fish market and Morning fish boat.

Present

  • The Public park was replaced by Holiday homes and a Car park.
  • The Farm land in the top right was replaced by a Golf Course and a Tennis Course.
  • The fishing facilities (Fish market and Morning fish boat) were replaced by Apartments and leisure Yachts in the sea.
  • The Sport area was replaced by a Restaurant, while Housing expanded.
  • The Hotel expanded in size, and the Coffee shop remained unchanged.
New by Present
Restaurant, Apartment, Holiday homes, Car park, Golf Course, Tennis Course, Yacht
Gone by Present
Sport, Fish market, Morning fish boat, Public park, Farm land

Academic Task 1163 words

The diagram below shows the changes of the town named Shakfield from 1995 until now.

The two maps give information about how town named Shakefield has changed since 1995.

It is clear that the changes significantly improve the Shakefield , by construction new facilities and apartments for locals.

At the West there was housing and sport facilities. In the South there was fish market with bridge which looked to sea.

  1. Grammar & accuracy

    RevisedIn 1995, there was farmland in the northeast. Close to that, at the center, there was a public park surrounded by trees and two small hotels.

    Corrected punctuation and article usage.

The first change in the plan of the city is the West sport facilities has converted to restaurant,and also a little higher the number of houses has also increased .

  1. Lexical resource

    RevisedMeanwhile, the fish market has been replaced by new apartments, and the bridge has been demolished.

    Improved word choice and clarity.

The next change in public public park ,now it is new holiday homes with a big car park in the East. The last change in farm land ,it has changed to golf area and tennis court for courses

Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.

Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.

Coherence & cohesion

Band 5.0/ 9

The essay provides a basic overview of changes but lacks clear organization and logical progression. Some sentences are disjointed.

Suggestions

  • Use linking words to connect ideas.
  • Organize information logically, perhaps by area or type of change.
  • Ensure each paragraph has a clear focus.

Sentence revisions 3

  • RevisedIn 1995, the northeast contained farmland, while the center featured a public park surrounded by trees and two small hotels.

    Clarified sentence structure and improved flow.

  • RevisedThe first change in the city plan is the conversion of the western sport facilities into a restaurant, and the number of houses has also increased slightly.

    Improved sentence clarity and coherence.

  • RevisedThe public park has been replaced with new holiday homes and a large car park in the east.

    Clarified and corrected repetition.

Grammar & accuracy

Band 5.0/ 9

The essay contains basic sentence structures with some grammatical errors.

Sentence revisions 3

  • RevisedIn 1995, there was farmland in the northeast. Close to that, at the center, there was a public park surrounded by trees and two small hotels.

    Corrected punctuation and article usage.

  • RevisedThe first change in the city plan is that the western sport facilities have been converted into a restaurant.

    Corrected verb tense and agreement.

  • RevisedThe public park has now been replaced with new holiday homes and a large car park in the east.

    Corrected repetition and sentence structure.

Lexical resource

Band 5.0/ 9

The vocabulary is basic and repetitive. Some word choices are incorrect or awkward.

Sentence revisions 3

  • RevisedIt is evident that the changes have significantly enhanced Shakefield.

    Improved vocabulary and word choice.

  • RevisedThe public park has been transformed into new holiday homes with a large car park in the east.

    Used more precise vocabulary.

  • RevisedMeanwhile, the fish market has been replaced by new apartments, and the bridge has been demolished.

    Improved word choice and clarity.

Task achievement

Band 5.0/ 9

The essay addresses the task but lacks detail and clear comparisons.

Suggestions

  • Include more specific details and comparisons.
  • Ensure all major changes are clearly described.
  • Use data from the diagram to support descriptions.

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