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Shakefield town, 1995 and now: IELTS Task 1 answer #18, band 4.5

A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.

194 words. Marked by Axiom on 18 December 2024. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

The map this answer describes

Shakefield town, 1995 and now: what the maps show

1995

  • The central area above the main road is dominated by a Public park and a small Hotel.
  • The right-hand area above the road has Farm land in the top-right corner.
  • The coastal/marine area at the bottom left features a Fish market and Morning fish boat.

Present

  • The Public park was replaced by Holiday homes and a Car park.
  • The Farm land in the top right was replaced by a Golf Course and a Tennis Course.
  • The fishing facilities (Fish market and Morning fish boat) were replaced by Apartments and leisure Yachts in the sea.
  • The Sport area was replaced by a Restaurant, while Housing expanded.
  • The Hotel expanded in size, and the Coffee shop remained unchanged.
New by Present
Restaurant, Apartment, Holiday homes, Car park, Golf Course, Tennis Course, Yacht
Gone by Present
Sport, Fish market, Morning fish boat, Public park, Farm land

Academic Task 1194 words

The diagram below shows the changes of the town named Shakfield from 1995 until now.

  1. Coherence & cohesion

    RevisedThe map illustrates the changes in Shakfield town from 1995 to the present.

    Revised for clarity and correct verb tense.

These buildings and other useful structures have proven their benefits and are making a significant contribution to the development of the city.

  1. Lexical resource

    RevisedThe buildings constructed in 1995 are now being used effectively.

    Simplified and clarified sentence structure.

  1. Coherence & cohesion

    RevisedIn 1995, the top of the map featured farmland near a public park, with a hotel nearby. The western side showed multi-family households, opposite a gym center. The middle of the map had a fish market and a coffee shop.

    Simplified and restructured for clarity.

  2. Lexical resource

    RevisedThe southern area included a small sea and a designated fishing area for boats.

    Improved lexical choice and sentence structure.

Western of the topic changed largely multi family households and gym centers changed to restaurant bottom areas including sea with yachts top of them apartment buildings constructed according to coffee shop.

  1. Coherence & cohesion

    RevisedCurrently, the northern part of the map shows a tennis course, while the middle area has been developed into holiday homes with a hotel and a car park.

    Revised for coherence and grammatical accuracy.

Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.

Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.

Coherence & cohesion

Band 5.0/ 9

The essay lacks clear organization and logical flow, with ideas presented in a somewhat disjointed manner. Transitions between ideas are not smooth, making it difficult to follow the progression of changes over time.

Suggestions

  • Use clear paragraphs to separate different time periods or aspects.
  • Employ linking words to connect ideas smoothly.
  • Provide a clearer introduction and conclusion.

Sentence revisions 3

  • RevisedThe map illustrates the changes in Shakfield town from 1995 to the present.

    Revised for clarity and correct verb tense.

  • RevisedIn 1995, the top of the map featured farmland near a public park, with a hotel nearby. The western side showed multi-family households, opposite a gym center. The middle of the map had a fish market and a coffee shop.

    Simplified and restructured for clarity.

  • RevisedCurrently, the northern part of the map shows a tennis course, while the middle area has been developed into holiday homes with a hotel and a car park.

    Revised for coherence and grammatical accuracy.

Grammar & accuracy

Band 4.0/ 9

The essay contains frequent grammatical errors, including incorrect verb forms, prepositions, and sentence structures.

Sentence revisions 3

  • RevisedThe map illustrates the changes in Shakfield town from 1995 to the present.

    Corrected verb form and preposition usage.

  • RevisedCurrently, the northern part of the map shows many changes, including a tennis course, while the middle has holiday homes and a hotel with a car park.

    Corrected verb forms and sentence structure.

  • RevisedThe southern area included a small sea and a designated area for fishing boats.

    Improved grammatical accuracy and clarity.

Lexical resource

Band 5.0/ 9

The essay uses basic vocabulary with limited variety. Some words are used incorrectly or repetitively, affecting clarity.

Sentence revisions 3

  • RevisedThe map illustrates the changes in Shakfield town from 1995 to the present.

    Corrected verb form and prepositions.

  • RevisedThe buildings constructed in 1995 are now being used effectively.

    Simplified and clarified sentence structure.

  • RevisedThe southern area included a small sea and a designated fishing area for boats.

    Improved lexical choice and sentence structure.

Task achievement

Band 5.0/ 9

The essay addresses the task but lacks detailed comparisons and clear descriptions of changes over time. Some information is inaccurately presented.

Suggestions

  • Include more specific comparisons between 1995 and the present.
  • Ensure accurate representation of information from the map.
  • Provide a more comprehensive overview of changes.

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