Shakefield town, 1995 and now: IELTS Task 1 answer #19, band 5.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
230 words. Marked by Axiom on 18 December 2024. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
The map this answer describes
1995
- The central area above the main road is dominated by a Public park and a small Hotel.
- The right-hand area above the road has Farm land in the top-right corner.
- The coastal/marine area at the bottom left features a Fish market and Morning fish boat.
Present
- The Public park was replaced by Holiday homes and a Car park.
- The Farm land in the top right was replaced by a Golf Course and a Tennis Course.
- The fishing facilities (Fish market and Morning fish boat) were replaced by Apartments and leisure Yachts in the sea.
- The Sport area was replaced by a Restaurant, while Housing expanded.
- The Hotel expanded in size, and the Coffee shop remained unchanged.
- New by Present
- Restaurant, Apartment, Holiday homes, Car park, Golf Course, Tennis Course, Yacht
- Gone by Present
- Sport, Fish market, Morning fish boat, Public park, Farm land
Academic Task 1230 words
The diagram below shows the changes of the town named Shakfield from 1995 until now.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedThe maps illustrate how the town of Shakefield has changed since 1995.
Corrected noun phrase for clarity.
They change a lot rather than the other places on the maps.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedOverall, the main changes are seen in the public park, sea, farmland, housing, and fish market.
Clarified the sentence for better understanding.
In 1995 there were trees and a hotel nothing more than however now the public park has changed into holiday homes.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedThe first notable change is in the public park.
Improved sentence clarity and structure.
Lexical resource
RevisedThe hotel still exists but has expanded, and a car park has been added at the corner.
Corrected verb tense and improved clarity.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedAnother change occurs in the sea area.
Improved sentence structure and clarity.
Lexical resource
RevisedIn 1995, there were morning fishing boats on the west side.
Corrected verb tense and word choice.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedThey have been removed, and now there are yachts available in the east.
Corrected verb tense and spelling error.
Lexical resource
RevisedAdditionally, the northeast side of the map, which was farmland in 1995, has been transformed into sports facilities, including a golf course and tennis courts.
Improved sentence structure and word choice.
Furthermore, there are several housing system changes for example the west side of the map, in 1995 there were small block of houses and sport centres and opposite of them which were located on the other side of the road there were fish market and coffee. Moreover, the fish market’s place has altered to apartment blocks, but coffee has not changed.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedAt present, the small block of houses has expanded, and the sports centers have been converted into restaurants.
Corrected verb tense and improved clarity.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 5.0/ 9
The essay presents information in a somewhat organized manner, but lacks clear structure and logical progression.
Suggestions
- Improve paragraph structure.
- Use more linking words for better flow.
- Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOverall, the main changes are seen in the public park, sea, farmland, housing, and fish market.
Clarified the sentence for better understanding.
RevisedThe first notable change is in the public park.
Improved sentence clarity and structure.
RevisedAnother change occurs in the sea area.
Improved sentence structure and clarity.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 5.0/ 9
The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures with frequent errors.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThe maps illustrate how the town of Shakefield has changed since 1995.
Corrected noun phrase for clarity.
RevisedThey have been removed, and now there are yachts available in the east.
Corrected verb tense and spelling error.
RevisedAt present, the small block of houses has expanded, and the sports centers have been converted into restaurants.
Corrected verb tense and improved clarity.
Lexical resource
Band 5.0/ 9
The essay uses a limited range of vocabulary with occasional errors in word choice.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThe hotel still exists but has expanded, and a car park has been added at the corner.
Corrected verb tense and improved clarity.
RevisedIn 1995, there were morning fishing boats on the west side.
Corrected verb tense and word choice.
RevisedAdditionally, the northeast side of the map, which was farmland in 1995, has been transformed into sports facilities, including a golf course and tennis courts.
Improved sentence structure and word choice.
Task achievement
Band 5.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task but lacks clear coverage of all key features and accurate comparisons.
Suggestions
- Include more detailed comparisons.
- Ensure all key features are covered.
- Provide a clearer overview of changes.
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