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Shakefield town, 1995 and now: IELTS Task 1 answer #10, band 4.5

A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.

151 words. Marked by Axiom on 17 December 2024. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

The map this answer describes

Shakefield town, 1995 and now: what the maps show

1995

  • The central area above the main road is dominated by a Public park and a small Hotel.
  • The right-hand area above the road has Farm land in the top-right corner.
  • The coastal/marine area at the bottom left features a Fish market and Morning fish boat.

Present

  • The Public park was replaced by Holiday homes and a Car park.
  • The Farm land in the top right was replaced by a Golf Course and a Tennis Course.
  • The fishing facilities (Fish market and Morning fish boat) were replaced by Apartments and leisure Yachts in the sea.
  • The Sport area was replaced by a Restaurant, while Housing expanded.
  • The Hotel expanded in size, and the Coffee shop remained unchanged.
New by Present
Restaurant, Apartment, Holiday homes, Car park, Golf Course, Tennis Course, Yacht
Gone by Present
Sport, Fish market, Morning fish boat, Public park, Farm land

Academic Task 1151 words

The diagram below shows the changes of the town named Shakfield from 1995 until now.

The picture compares the changes in Shakefield town over a period of 29 years.

  1. Coherence & cohesion

    RevisedOverall, it is clear that more construction work took place on the west side compared to other areas.

    Clarified sentence structure and meaning for better coherence.

  1. Lexical resource

    RevisedThe public park area was converted into a residential area.

    Simplified and corrected word choice for clarity.

And also now sport area is restaurant. There was a fish market near the coffee. However, it was demolished and constructed new apartment.

  1. Coherence & cohesion

    RevisedIn 1995, housing was in two sections, but it has since expanded into more areas.

    Improved sentence clarity and logical flow.

Secondly, morning fish boat was removed and its place is full of yatchs at the moment.

Now there are golf and tennis course . Additionally, some trees were planted for the golf pitch.

  1. Coherence & cohesion

    RevisedThe northeast area of the map, which was farmland in the past, now hosts a golf and tennis course.

    Connected ideas more effectively for better coherence.

  1. Lexical resource

    RevisedFinally, the hotel was expanded, and the trees in the park were cut down to make way for a car park and holiday homes.

    Improved word choice and sentence structure for clarity.

Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.

Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.

Coherence & cohesion

Band 5.0/ 9

The essay has basic cohesion, but the sequence of information is not always logical. Some ideas are not well connected, and transitions between sentences and paragraphs are weak.

Suggestions

  • Use linking words to improve flow.
  • Ensure logical progression of ideas.
  • Group similar ideas together.

Sentence revisions 3

  • RevisedOverall, it is clear that more construction work took place on the west side compared to other areas.

    Clarified sentence structure and meaning for better coherence.

  • RevisedIn 1995, housing was in two sections, but it has since expanded into more areas.

    Improved sentence clarity and logical flow.

  • RevisedThe northeast area of the map, which was farmland in the past, now hosts a golf and tennis course.

    Connected ideas more effectively for better coherence.

Grammar & accuracy

Band 4.0/ 9

The essay contains several grammatical errors and awkward sentence structures. There is limited use of complex sentences.

Sentence revisions 3

  • RevisedOverall, it is clear that more construction work took place on the west side than in other areas.

    Corrected grammatical errors and improved sentence structure.

  • RevisedAdditionally, the sports area has been converted into a restaurant.

    Corrected grammatical errors and improved sentence structure.

  • RevisedThe hotel has been expanded, and trees in the park were cut down to add a car park and holiday homes.

    Corrected grammatical errors and improved sentence structure.

Lexical resource

Band 5.0/ 9

The vocabulary is basic and repetitive, with limited use of complex language. Some words are used incorrectly or awkwardly.

Sentence revisions 3

  • RevisedThe public park area was converted into a residential area.

    Simplified and corrected word choice for clarity.

  • RevisedSecondly, the morning fish market was removed and replaced by a yacht area.

    Corrected vocabulary and improved sentence clarity.

  • RevisedFinally, the hotel was expanded, and the trees in the park were cut down to make way for a car park and holiday homes.

    Improved word choice and sentence structure for clarity.

Task achievement

Band 5.0/ 9

The essay addresses the task but lacks detail and clarity in some areas. Key features are mentioned but not sufficiently developed or compared.

Suggestions

  • Include more detailed comparisons between the two maps.
  • Highlight key changes with specific examples.
  • Ensure all main features are covered adequately.

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