axiom

Shakefield town, 1995 and now: IELTS Task 1 answer #16, band 7.0

A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.

297 words. Marked by Axiom on 17 December 2024. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

The map this answer describes

Shakefield town, 1995 and now: what the maps show

1995

  • The central area above the main road is dominated by a Public park and a small Hotel.
  • The right-hand area above the road has Farm land in the top-right corner.
  • The coastal/marine area at the bottom left features a Fish market and Morning fish boat.

Present

  • The Public park was replaced by Holiday homes and a Car park.
  • The Farm land in the top right was replaced by a Golf Course and a Tennis Course.
  • The fishing facilities (Fish market and Morning fish boat) were replaced by Apartments and leisure Yachts in the sea.
  • The Sport area was replaced by a Restaurant, while Housing expanded.
  • The Hotel expanded in size, and the Coffee shop remained unchanged.
New by Present
Restaurant, Apartment, Holiday homes, Car park, Golf Course, Tennis Course, Yacht
Gone by Present
Sport, Fish market, Morning fish boat, Public park, Farm land

Academic Task 1297 words

The diagram below shows the changes of the town named Shakefield from 1995 until now

  1. Lexical resource

    RevisedThe diagrams illustrate the changes that have occurred in Shakefield over the past 34 years, from 1995 to the present.

    The revision uses more precise vocabulary and avoids repetition.

  1. Coherence & cohesion

    RevisedOverall, the town has undergone significant changes, with a noticeable reduction in green spaces and an increase in built-up areas due to new constructions.

    The revision provides a clearer summary of the changes.

The park could be found immediately in the town center, while the hotel was located just to the southwest of this park. The west of the town was featured by the presence of houses and several sports halls.

  1. Coherence & cohesion

    RevisedIn 1995, Shakefield was a simpler town with limited residential and entertainment facilities.

    The revised sentence is more concise and clear.

  2. Lexical resource

    RevisedThe northeast part of the area was occupied by farmland.

    The term 'farmland' is more concise and correct.

  3. Lexical resource

    RevisedThe fish market and coffee shop were located south of the junction, at the bottom of the area.

    The revision corrects the verb tense and improves clarity.

  4. Grammar & accuracy

    RevisedAdditionally, the town had a harbor in the south with a few fishing boats moored around it.

    Improves sentence structure and clarity.

One of the most noticeable changes is that the public park has been cut down and replaced with holiday homes. Another change is the addition of a new car park in the southeast of this park. Additionally, the hotel has seen a rise in size, while the farm land has been converted into tennis and golf courses. In the west side, the sports halls have been turned into restaurants and a lot more houses have been introduced than ever before. Finally, the harbor has been knocked down to make way for yachts. The only place that has remained unchanged is the coffee shop along the shore.

  1. Coherence & cohesion

    RevisedCurrently, Shakefield has undergone extensive developments.

    The revised sentence uses a more appropriate tense and clearer wording.

  2. Grammar & accuracy

    RevisedIt can also be seen that the fish market was cleared to make room for apartments.

    Simplifies the structure and corrects the tense.

Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.

Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.

Coherence & cohesion

Band 7.0/ 9

The essay is logically organized and presents a clear overview of changes in Shakefield. However, some transitions between ideas could be smoother.

Suggestions

  • Use more varied linking words to enhance flow.
  • Ensure each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the changes.
  • Clarify the sequence of developments for better understanding.

Sentence revisions 3

  • RevisedOverall, the town has undergone significant changes, with a noticeable reduction in green spaces and an increase in built-up areas due to new constructions.

    The revision provides a clearer summary of the changes.

  • RevisedIn 1995, Shakefield was a simpler town with limited residential and entertainment facilities.

    The revised sentence is more concise and clear.

  • RevisedCurrently, Shakefield has undergone extensive developments.

    The revised sentence uses a more appropriate tense and clearer wording.

Grammar & accuracy

Band 7.0/ 9

The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures with occasional errors.

Sentence revisions 3

  • RevisedThe fish market and coffee shop were situated south of the junction.

    Corrects the verb tense and improves the sentence structure.

  • RevisedAdditionally, the town had a harbor in the south with a few fishing boats moored around it.

    Improves sentence structure and clarity.

  • RevisedIt can also be seen that the fish market was cleared to make room for apartments.

    Simplifies the structure and corrects the tense.

Lexical resource

Band 7.0/ 9

The vocabulary used is appropriate and varied, but there are some repetitive expressions.

Sentence revisions 3

  • RevisedThe diagrams illustrate the changes that have occurred in Shakefield over the past 34 years, from 1995 to the present.

    The revision uses more precise vocabulary and avoids repetition.

  • RevisedThe northeast part of the area was occupied by farmland.

    The term 'farmland' is more concise and correct.

  • RevisedThe fish market and coffee shop were located south of the junction, at the bottom of the area.

    The revision corrects the verb tense and improves clarity.

Task achievement

Band 8.0/ 9

The essay effectively addresses the task, providing a clear comparison of changes in Shakefield from 1995 to the present.

Suggestions

  • Include more specific data from the diagram to enhance the description.

Check your own answer on this question

Write your answer and Axiom marks it the same way: a band for each criterion, and revisions for your own sentences. How the Task 1 checker works.

Check an essay free