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Shakefield town, 1995 and now: IELTS Task 1 answer #15, band 7.0

A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.

230 words. Marked by Axiom on 17 December 2024. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

The map this answer describes

Shakefield town, 1995 and now: what the maps show

1995

  • The central area above the main road is dominated by a Public park and a small Hotel.
  • The right-hand area above the road has Farm land in the top-right corner.
  • The coastal/marine area at the bottom left features a Fish market and Morning fish boat.

Present

  • The Public park was replaced by Holiday homes and a Car park.
  • The Farm land in the top right was replaced by a Golf Course and a Tennis Course.
  • The fishing facilities (Fish market and Morning fish boat) were replaced by Apartments and leisure Yachts in the sea.
  • The Sport area was replaced by a Restaurant, while Housing expanded.
  • The Hotel expanded in size, and the Coffee shop remained unchanged.
New by Present
Restaurant, Apartment, Holiday homes, Car park, Golf Course, Tennis Course, Yacht
Gone by Present
Sport, Fish market, Morning fish boat, Public park, Farm land

Academic Task 1230 words

The diagram below shows the changes of the town named Shakfield from 1995 until now.

  1. Lexical resource

    RevisedThe diagrams illustrate the changes in Shakefield over 29 years, from 1995 to the present.

    Uses more precise vocabulary and removes unnecessary words.

  1. Coherence & cohesion

    RevisedOverall, the developments significantly impacted nature, as trees were chopped down.

    Improves clarity and flow by breaking up the sentence.

  2. Grammar & accuracy

    RevisedDespite significant progress in facilities, the major developments occurred in residential buildings.

    Corrects word choice and improves clarity.

The western side was occupied by houses, a sport center, a fish market, and morning fish boats. There was a small farmland to the northeast of the town with the sea to the south.

  1. Coherence & cohesion

    RevisedIn 1995, the town center featured a park, a couple of small hotels, and a cafe.

    Clarifies the structure of the sentence.

By now, in terms of housing, the fish market was completely flattened to make way for apartments, while the houses which were in existence, were expanded. Additionally, holiday homes have been erected on the original site of the park.

The sports center was demolished to give way for the construction of restaurants.

  1. Coherence & cohesion

    RevisedRegarding facilities, golf and tennis courts replaced the farmland.

    Enhances coherence by using a more direct structure.

  2. Lexical resource

    RevisedAdditionally, a new car park was constructed to the east of the town.

    Uses a more formal linking phrase.

Hotels underwent refurbishment, becoming larger and more stylish.

  1. Grammar & accuracy

    RevisedRegarding other changes, the morning fish boats were removed, while the cafe remained intact.

    Improves sentence structure and parallelism.

  2. Grammar & accuracy

    RevisedFinally, yachts were introduced to the southeast of the town to enhance its attractiveness.

    Improves word order and clarity.

Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.

Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.

Coherence & cohesion

Band 7.0/ 9

The essay presents information logically but could benefit from clearer connections between ideas.

Suggestions

  • Use linking words to enhance flow.
  • Group similar information together.
  • Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea.

Sentence revisions 3

  • RevisedOverall, the developments significantly impacted nature, as trees were chopped down.

    Improves clarity and flow by breaking up the sentence.

  • RevisedIn 1995, the town center featured a park, a couple of small hotels, and a cafe.

    Clarifies the structure of the sentence.

  • RevisedRegarding facilities, golf and tennis courts replaced the farmland.

    Enhances coherence by using a more direct structure.

Grammar & accuracy

Band 8.0/ 9

The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures with minor errors.

Sentence revisions 3

  • RevisedDespite significant progress in facilities, the major developments occurred in residential buildings.

    Corrects word choice and improves clarity.

  • RevisedRegarding other changes, the morning fish boats were removed, while the cafe remained intact.

    Improves sentence structure and parallelism.

  • RevisedFinally, yachts were introduced to the southeast of the town to enhance its attractiveness.

    Improves word order and clarity.

Lexical resource

Band 7.0/ 9

Good range of vocabulary with some repetition.

Sentence revisions 3

  • RevisedThe diagrams illustrate the changes in Shakefield over 29 years, from 1995 to the present.

    Uses more precise vocabulary and removes unnecessary words.

  • RevisedCurrently, the fish market has been replaced by apartments.

    Simplifies the sentence and avoids repetition.

  • RevisedAdditionally, a new car park was constructed to the east of the town.

    Uses a more formal linking phrase.

Task achievement

Band 7.0/ 9

The essay addresses the task well but lacks some specific details and comparisons.

Suggestions

  • Include more specific details from the diagram.
  • Make direct comparisons where relevant.
  • Ensure all key changes are mentioned.

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