Shakefield town, 1995 and now: IELTS Task 1 answer #24, band 7.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
205 words. Marked by Axiom on 18 December 2024. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
The map this answer describes
1995
- The central area above the main road is dominated by a Public park and a small Hotel.
- The right-hand area above the road has Farm land in the top-right corner.
- The coastal/marine area at the bottom left features a Fish market and Morning fish boat.
Present
- The Public park was replaced by Holiday homes and a Car park.
- The Farm land in the top right was replaced by a Golf Course and a Tennis Course.
- The fishing facilities (Fish market and Morning fish boat) were replaced by Apartments and leisure Yachts in the sea.
- The Sport area was replaced by a Restaurant, while Housing expanded.
- The Hotel expanded in size, and the Coffee shop remained unchanged.
- New by Present
- Restaurant, Apartment, Holiday homes, Car park, Golf Course, Tennis Course, Yacht
- Gone by Present
- Sport, Fish market, Morning fish boat, Public park, Farm land
Academic Task 1205 words
The diagram below shows the changes of the town named Shakfield from 1995 until now.
Lexical resource
RevisedThe two maps illustrate the primary changes in Shakefield from 1995 to the present.
Used more precise vocabulary.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedOverall, Shakefield appears to have become a more modern town following the introduction of car parks and recreational facilities.
Improved sentence structure for clarity.
For instance, there was a public park surrounded by trees, and the town's housing area was relatively small. Sports facilities were located to the west of the town. A hotel and coffee shop were situated near the town center, while morning fish boats were located along the coast.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn 1995, Shakefield was a fairly small town with limited facilities.
Simplified the sentence for better flow.
Lexical resource
RevisedCurrently, the farmland has been transformed into a golf course and tennis courts, while the public park has become holiday homes.
Varied vocabulary to avoid repetition.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedThe housing area on the west side and the central hotel have expanded significantly.
Streamlined the sentence for clarity.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedSports facilities have been removed and replaced by a restaurant.
Clarified the transition between ideas.
Lexical resource
RevisedNew apartments have been constructed adjacent to the coffee shop.
Used a synonym for 'built' to enhance vocabulary.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedA new car park has been established in the eastern part of the town.
Used precise prepositional phrase.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedThe fish market and morning fish boats have been removed, and yachts have now been introduced near the sea.
Corrected conjunction usage for better accuracy.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and presents information clearly. However, some transitions between ideas could be smoother.
Suggestions
- Use linking words to improve flow.
- Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedIn 1995, Shakefield was a fairly small town with limited facilities.
Simplified the sentence for better flow.
RevisedSports facilities have been removed and replaced by a restaurant.
Clarified the transition between ideas.
RevisedThe housing area on the west side and the central hotel have expanded significantly.
Streamlined the sentence for clarity.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures with minor errors.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOverall, Shakefield appears to have become a more modern town following the introduction of car parks and recreational facilities.
Improved sentence structure for clarity.
RevisedThe fish market and morning fish boats have been removed, and yachts have now been introduced near the sea.
Corrected conjunction usage for better accuracy.
RevisedA new car park has been established in the eastern part of the town.
Used precise prepositional phrase.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The vocabulary is appropriate and varied, but there are some repetitions.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThe two maps illustrate the primary changes in Shakefield from 1995 to the present.
Used more precise vocabulary.
RevisedCurrently, the farmland has been transformed into a golf course and tennis courts, while the public park has become holiday homes.
Varied vocabulary to avoid repetition.
RevisedNew apartments have been constructed adjacent to the coffee shop.
Used a synonym for 'built' to enhance vocabulary.
Task achievement
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay effectively addresses the task, summarizing the main changes with relevant comparisons.
Suggestions
- Include more specific data from the maps for precision.
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