axiom

Shakefield town, 1995 and now: IELTS Task 1 answer #4, band 5.5

A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.

273 words. Marked by Axiom on 17 December 2024. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

The map this answer describes

Shakefield town, 1995 and now: what the maps show

1995

  • The central area above the main road is dominated by a Public park and a small Hotel.
  • The right-hand area above the road has Farm land in the top-right corner.
  • The coastal/marine area at the bottom left features a Fish market and Morning fish boat.

Present

  • The Public park was replaced by Holiday homes and a Car park.
  • The Farm land in the top right was replaced by a Golf Course and a Tennis Course.
  • The fishing facilities (Fish market and Morning fish boat) were replaced by Apartments and leisure Yachts in the sea.
  • The Sport area was replaced by a Restaurant, while Housing expanded.
  • The Hotel expanded in size, and the Coffee shop remained unchanged.
New by Present
Restaurant, Apartment, Holiday homes, Car park, Golf Course, Tennis Course, Yacht
Gone by Present
Sport, Fish market, Morning fish boat, Public park, Farm land

Academic Task 1273 words

The diagram below shows the changes of the town named Shakfield from 1995 until now.

in the town Shakefield between 1995 and now.

  1. Grammar & accuracy

    RevisedThe maps provide information about the changes that took place...

    Corrected verb form and added relative pronoun.

with and construction of sport facilities and apartments.

  1. Coherence & cohesion

    RevisedOverall, most changes were made for entertainment and residential purposes...

    Simplified sentence structure for clarity.

  2. Lexical resource

    Revised...the removal of farmland and other structures...

    Used more specific vocabulary.

In 1995, there was a farm land in the south-east part of the town which has been replaced with golf courses and a few trees have been planted. In addition to them, now there is a tennis course just below the golf courses which is occupied the bottom part of the farm land.

  1. Coherence & cohesion

    RevisedPreviously, there was blank space below the farmland, but now a new car park occupies that area.

    Improved sentence flow with better conjunction usage.

made for the residents. in the east of the town in 1995, now they have been changed into restaurants. There is a road which divides the eastern and central parts of the town from each other and in the past there had been only a public park and two small hotels. Now the public park has been flattened and holiday homes were built, also the hotels have been reconstructed and enlargened.

  1. Grammar & accuracy

    RevisedIncreasing the number of houses in the southeast part of the layout was one of the important changes...

    Corrected verb tense and improved clarity.

  2. Grammar & accuracy

    RevisedEven though there were three buildings for sports...

    Corrected spelling error.

and construction of apartments below the restaurant. In 1995 there was only one path leading to the fish market, however, currently there is a new way going to the coffee.

  1. Coherence & cohesion

    RevisedAnother residential change involved replacing the fish market with apartments...

    Clarified the action and improved sentence structure.

Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.

Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.

Coherence & cohesion

Band 6.0/ 9

The essay presents information in a logical order but lacks clear paragraphing and some linking words.

Suggestions

  • Use clearer paragraphing to separate different ideas.
  • Include more linking words to enhance flow.
  • Summarize key points effectively.

Sentence revisions 3

  • RevisedOverall, most changes were made for entertainment and residential purposes...

    Simplified sentence structure for clarity.

  • RevisedPreviously, there was blank space below the farmland, but now a new car park occupies that area.

    Improved sentence flow with better conjunction usage.

  • RevisedAnother residential change involved replacing the fish market with apartments...

    Clarified the action and improved sentence structure.

Grammar & accuracy

Band 5.0/ 9

The essay contains several grammatical errors and awkward sentence structures.

Sentence revisions 3

  • RevisedThe maps provide information about the changes that took place...

    Corrected verb form and added relative pronoun.

  • RevisedIncreasing the number of houses in the southeast part of the layout was one of the important changes...

    Corrected verb tense and improved clarity.

  • RevisedEven though there were three buildings for sports...

    Corrected spelling error.

Lexical resource

Band 6.0/ 9

The vocabulary is appropriate but lacks variety and precision in some areas.

Sentence revisions 3

  • Revised...the changes that occurred in Shakefield...

    Used more precise language.

  • Revised...the removal of farmland and other structures...

    Used more specific vocabulary.

  • Revised...now there is a new path leading to the coffee shop.

    Clarified the meaning and improved word choice.

Task achievement

Band 6.0/ 9

The essay addresses the task but lacks detailed comparisons and some inaccuracies are present.

Suggestions

  • Include more detailed comparisons between 1995 and the present.
  • Ensure accuracy in describing changes.

Check your own answer on this question

Write your answer and Axiom marks it the same way: a band for each criterion, and revisions for your own sentences. How the Task 1 checker works.

Check an essay free