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Shakefield town, 1995 and now: IELTS Task 1 answer #3, band 5.5

A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.

218 words. Marked by Axiom on 17 December 2024. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

The map this answer describes

Shakefield town, 1995 and now: what the maps show

1995

  • The central area above the main road is dominated by a Public park and a small Hotel.
  • The right-hand area above the road has Farm land in the top-right corner.
  • The coastal/marine area at the bottom left features a Fish market and Morning fish boat.

Present

  • The Public park was replaced by Holiday homes and a Car park.
  • The Farm land in the top right was replaced by a Golf Course and a Tennis Course.
  • The fishing facilities (Fish market and Morning fish boat) were replaced by Apartments and leisure Yachts in the sea.
  • The Sport area was replaced by a Restaurant, while Housing expanded.
  • The Hotel expanded in size, and the Coffee shop remained unchanged.
New by Present
Restaurant, Apartment, Holiday homes, Car park, Golf Course, Tennis Course, Yacht
Gone by Present
Sport, Fish market, Morning fish boat, Public park, Farm land

Academic Task 1218 words

The diagram below shows the changes of the town named Shakfield from 1995 until now.

The map shows the main alterations of the town called Shakefield from 1995 until now.

Overall, the area used to have a few facilities for residents of the town, but now it also features other places such as golf course and tennis course that is available for people.

On the east side of the map there were a few houses and sports centre for the local people in 1995. Public park also used to be there in the center of the town, which was beside the two small hotel. On the northern part of the town, there was also farm land for agriculture.

  1. Grammar & accuracy

    RevisedA fish market and a coffee shop were in the southern part, near the sea and morning fishing boats.

    Improved article usage and clarity.

Now several houses is built on western side of the map, increasing the amount of residential area for locals.

  1. Lexical resource

    RevisedAnother notable change is a restaurant near the housing, which replaced the sports centre.

    Added articles for grammatical accuracy.

And another modification, which has been done in the town, is car park for vehicles. The old hotel was flattened, a new and larger one was erected. Another changing of the town is holiday homes that is built Instead of the public park.

  1. Grammar & accuracy

    RevisedInstead of farmland, there are now golf and tennis facilities available for leisure activities.

    Corrected subject-verb agreement and improved word choice.

Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.

Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.

Coherence & cohesion

Band 6.0/ 9

The essay presents a logical structure but lacks clear transitions between ideas.

Suggestions

  • Use linking words to connect ideas.
  • Improve paragraphing for clarity.
  • Include more comparative language.

Sentence revisions 3

  • RevisedOverall, the area used to have a few facilities for residents, but now it features additional amenities such as a golf course and tennis courts.

    Simplified sentence structure and improved clarity.

  • RevisedIn 1995, the east side of the map featured a few houses and a sports centre for local residents.

    Reordered sentence for clarity and coherence.

  • RevisedNow, several houses have been built on the western side, increasing the residential area for locals.

    Corrected verb tense and improved sentence flow.

Grammar & accuracy

Band 5.0/ 9

The essay contains several grammatical errors and lacks complex structures.

Sentence revisions 3

  • RevisedA public park used to be in the center of the town, beside two small hotels.

    Corrected article usage and plural form.

  • RevisedA fish market and a coffee shop were in the southern part, near the sea and morning fishing boats.

    Improved article usage and clarity.

  • RevisedInstead of farmland, there are now golf and tennis facilities available for leisure activities.

    Corrected subject-verb agreement and improved word choice.

Lexical resource

Band 6.0/ 9

The vocabulary is adequate but lacks variety and precision.

Sentence revisions 3

  • Revised...features additional amenities such as a golf course and tennis courts...

    Improved word choice for precision and variety.

  • RevisedAnother notable change is a restaurant near the housing, which replaced the sports centre.

    Added articles for grammatical accuracy.

  • RevisedAnother modification in the town is the addition of a car park for vehicles.

    Improved sentence structure for clarity.

Task achievement

Band 6.0/ 9

The essay addresses the task but lacks detailed comparison and analysis.

Suggestions

  • Include more specific comparisons between 1995 and the present.
  • Provide more detailed descriptions of changes.
  • Use comparative language effectively.

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