Shakefield town, 1995 and now: IELTS Task 1 answer #2, band 5.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
191 words. Marked by Axiom on 17 December 2024. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
The map this answer describes
1995
- The central area above the main road is dominated by a Public park and a small Hotel.
- The right-hand area above the road has Farm land in the top-right corner.
- The coastal/marine area at the bottom left features a Fish market and Morning fish boat.
Present
- The Public park was replaced by Holiday homes and a Car park.
- The Farm land in the top right was replaced by a Golf Course and a Tennis Course.
- The fishing facilities (Fish market and Morning fish boat) were replaced by Apartments and leisure Yachts in the sea.
- The Sport area was replaced by a Restaurant, while Housing expanded.
- The Hotel expanded in size, and the Coffee shop remained unchanged.
- New by Present
- Restaurant, Apartment, Holiday homes, Car park, Golf Course, Tennis Course, Yacht
- Gone by Present
- Sport, Fish market, Morning fish boat, Public park, Farm land
Academic Task 1191 words
The diagram below shows the changes of the town named Shakfield from 1995 until now.
The maps show the main changes that take place in Shakefield from 1995 till now.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedOverall, the area has become an entertainment hub with the introduction of a golf course and a tennis course.
Improves clarity and cohesion.
Lexical resource
RevisedThe changes include new housing facilities and an enlarged hotel.
Improves vocabulary choice for clarity.
In 1995, the amenities of the area were concentrated on natural resort like public park, which was located in the centre of Shakefield. On the top right corner was farm land. There was also morning fish boat near the sea, and fish market at the end of the road. The place which was specialised for coffee remained unchanged till today. Two rows of the housing were placed both side of the road.
Specifically, two rows of housing are multiplied with better that connect houses to each other. Additionally, fish market is tranformed to apartment place.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn 2024, the town saw significant improvements, particularly in housing.
Clarifies the point of comparison.
Lexical resource
Revisedinfrastructure of the road system
Corrects spelling and improves precision.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedTrees in the public park were demolished to make way for building holiday houses.
Corrects tense and article usage.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedThe hotel became more accessible due to its enlargement.
Clarifies the cause-effect relationship.
Farm land is converted into
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedAnother area that experienced significant change is entertainment.
Corrects tense error.
Lexical resource
Revisedtwo entertainment areas: a golf course and a tennis course.
Provides clarity and correct punctuation.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay has a logical structure, but some parts lack clear connections between ideas.
Suggestions
- Use linking words to connect ideas more clearly.
- Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence.
- Provide clearer comparisons between past and present features.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedIn 2024, the town saw significant improvements, particularly in housing.
Clarifies the point of comparison.
RevisedOverall, the area has become an entertainment hub with the introduction of a golf course and a tennis course.
Improves clarity and cohesion.
RevisedThe hotel became more accessible due to its enlargement.
Clarifies the cause-effect relationship.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 5.0/ 9
Frequent grammatical errors affect clarity and precision.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOverall, the area has become an entertainment place.
Corrects tense error.
RevisedTrees in the public park were demolished to make way for building holiday houses.
Corrects tense and article usage.
RevisedAnother area that experienced significant change is entertainment.
Corrects tense error.
Lexical resource
Band 6.0/ 9
The vocabulary used is adequate but lacks variety and precision.
Sentence revisions 3
Revisedinfrastructure of the road system
Corrects spelling and improves precision.
RevisedThe changes include new housing facilities and an enlarged hotel.
Improves vocabulary choice for clarity.
Revisedtwo entertainment areas: a golf course and a tennis course.
Provides clarity and correct punctuation.
Task achievement
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task but lacks detailed comparisons and some inaccuracies are present.
Suggestions
- Provide more detailed comparisons between the two time periods.
- Ensure accuracy in describing changes.
Check your own answer on this question
Write your answer and Axiom marks it the same way: a band for each criterion, and revisions for your own sentences. How the Task 1 checker works.
Check an essay free