Shakefield town, 1995 and now: IELTS Task 1 answer #1, band 5.5

A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.

226 words. Marked by Axiom on 17 December 2024. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

The map this answer describes

Shakefield town, 1995 and now: what the maps show

1995

The central area above the main road is dominated by a Public park and a small Hotel.
The right-hand area above the road has Farm land in the top-right corner.
The coastal/marine area at the bottom left features a Fish market and Morning fish boat.

Present

The Public park was replaced by Holiday homes and a Car park.
The Farm land in the top right was replaced by a Golf Course and a Tennis Course.
The fishing facilities (Fish market and Morning fish boat) were replaced by Apartments and leisure Yachts in the sea.
The Sport area was replaced by a Restaurant, while Housing expanded.
The Hotel expanded in size, and the Coffee shop remained unchanged.

New by Present: Restaurant, Apartment, Holiday homes, Car park, Golf Course, Tennis Course, Yacht
Gone by Present: Sport, Fish market, Morning fish boat, Public park, Farm land

Academic Task 1226 words

The diagram below shows the changes of the town named Shakfield from 1995 until now.

Given are pictures depicting the alterations occurred in Shakefield over the course of 29 years, from 1995 till now.

Lexical resource
Close revision note
RevisedThe diagrams depict the changes in Shakefield over 29 years, from 1995 to the present.
The revision uses more precise and natural vocabulary.

Overall, developments were obtained , causing a significant effect on the nature, trees were chopped down. Despite quite crucial progress within the facilities, the major developments were seen in residential buildings.

Coherence & cohesion
Close revision note
RevisedDespite significant progress in facilities, the most notable developments occurred in residential buildings.
The revision provides a clearer contrast between facilities and residential changes.

In 1995, there used to be a park at the center of the town with the couple of small hotels and a cafe. Western side was occupied by houses, sport center, fish market and morning fish boats. There was a small farm land to the North-East of the town with the sea to the south.

Grammar & accuracy
Close revision note
RevisedIn 1995, there was a park at the center of the town with a couple of small hotels and a café.
The revision corrects the unnecessary article and spelling.
Lexical resource
Close revision note
RevisedThe western side was occupied by houses, a sports center, a fish market, and morning fish boats.
The revision corrects the article usage and adds clarity.

By now, in terms of housing, fish market was completely flattened to make a way for apartments, while the houses which were in existence, were expanded. Additionally, holiday homes have been erected on the original site of the park.

Coherence & cohesion
Close revision note
RevisedCurrently, the fish market has been replaced by apartments, and existing houses have been expanded.
The revision simplifies the sentence structure for better coherence.

As for facilities, golf and tennis courts were constructed instead of farm land. The sport center was demolished to give a way for the construction of restaurants. On top of that, the new car park was built to the east of the town.

Grammar & accuracy
Close revision note
RevisedThe sports center was demolished to make way for the construction of restaurants.
The revision corrects verb phrase and article usage.

Other changes, morning fish boats entirely removed while the cafe was left intact. Hotels underwent refurbishment, becoming larger and stylish. Lastly, to the south-east of the town, yachts were introduced on the sea to make the town more attractive.

Grammar & accuracy
Close revision note
RevisedOther changes include the removal of morning fish boats while the café remained intact.
The revision corrects the sentence structure for accuracy.
Lexical resource
Close revision note
RevisedHotels were refurbished, becoming larger and more stylish.
The revision corrects the adjective form for precision.

Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.

Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.

Coherence & cohesion

Band 6.0/ 9

The essay demonstrates a basic level of cohesion and coherence. There is a logical sequence of information, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes mechanical and repetitive.

Suggestions

Use more varied linking words to enhance flow.
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea.
Avoid abrupt transitions between ideas.

Sentence revisions 3

RevisedOverall, the developments significantly affected the natural environment, as many trees were removed.
The revision improves clarity and coherence by separating the ideas into distinct clauses.
RevisedDespite significant progress in facilities, the most notable developments occurred in residential buildings.
The revision provides a clearer contrast between facilities and residential changes.
RevisedCurrently, the fish market has been replaced by apartments, and existing houses have been expanded.
The revision simplifies the sentence structure for better coherence.

Grammar & accuracy

Band 5.0/ 9

The essay shows a limited range of grammatical structures with some errors in complex sentence formation. Errors sometimes impede communication.

Sentence revisions 3

RevisedIn 1995, there was a park at the center of the town with a couple of small hotels and a café.
The revision corrects the unnecessary article and spelling.
RevisedOther changes include the removal of morning fish boats while the café remained intact.
The revision corrects the sentence structure for accuracy.
RevisedThe sports center was demolished to make way for the construction of restaurants.
The revision corrects verb phrase and article usage.

Lexical resource

Band 6.0/ 9

The essay uses an adequate range of vocabulary, though some words are used repetitively or inaccurately. There is an attempt to use less common vocabulary, but it may not always be precise.

Sentence revisions 3

RevisedThe diagrams depict the changes in Shakefield over 29 years, from 1995 to the present.
The revision uses more precise and natural vocabulary.
RevisedThe western side was occupied by houses, a sports center, a fish market, and morning fish boats.
The revision corrects the article usage and adds clarity.
RevisedHotels were refurbished, becoming larger and more stylish.
The revision corrects the adjective form for precision.

Task achievement

Band 6.0/ 9

The essay addresses the task but lacks some detail and clarity in describing the changes. Key features are mentioned but not always fully developed.

Suggestions

Include more specific details about the changes.
Ensure all major features are accurately described.
Clarify any ambiguous descriptions.

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