Visitors to three areas: IELTS Task 1 answer #7, band 6.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
258 words. Marked by Axiom on 9 December 2024. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
The line graph this answer describes
Show the data
| The coast | The mountains | The lakes | |
|---|---|---|---|
| 1987 | 40 | 20 | 10 |
| 1992 | 35 | 25 | 25 |
| 1997 | 48 | 30 | 40 |
| 2002 | 62 | 31 | 75 |
| 2007 | 75 | 35 | 50 |
Academic Task 1258 words
The graph below shows the number of overseas visitors to three different areas of a European country between 1987 and 2007. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make a comparison where relevant.
The line graph compares how many international visitors went to three various places ( the coast , the mountains and the lakes ) of a country in Europe from 1987 to 2007 .
Overall , the number of visitors preferring all the areas increased significantly , with that for the coast representing the highest figure . Moreover , despite a significant rise , the preference for visiting the mountains remained the least popular option among tourist over the 20 – year period .
Focusing on bigger numbers , coming in the rank 3 , with 10 , 000 in 1987 , the number of those who preferred the lakes saw a dramatic increase to 40 , 000 in 1997 and that was flowed by a further rise by almost 35 ,000 in 2002 . However , in the 5 years , there was a staggering decline to 50 , 000 in that group . In contrast , the figure for coast lovers experienced the reverse trend . Even though the coast received a bit fewer visors in 1992 , down from 40 , 000 in 1987 , it recovered and reached its peak of roughly 75 , 000 visitors in the final year .
As for the remaining one , visiting the mountain areas became gradually popular year by year , with the number of visitors going up around 38 , 000 , up from just 10 ,000 over the years . The positive proportion notwithstanding , the area was not as common as the two others .
No passages are highlighted in this essay.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay generally follows a logical structure but lacks smooth transitions between ideas. The information is organized into paragraphs, but some connections between sentences could be clearer.
Suggestions
- Use linking words to connect ideas more smoothly.
- Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea.
- Clarify comparisons between the areas.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOverall, the number of visitors to all areas increased significantly, with the coast attracting the highest number of visitors.
Simplified the sentence for clarity.
RevisedThe number of visitors to the lakes started at 10,000 in 1987, saw a dramatic increase, reaching 40,000 by 1997.
Clarified the progression of numbers for better understanding.
RevisedVisits to the mountain areas gradually increased each year.
Simplified the sentence to improve readability.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but there are grammatical errors that affect clarity. Some sentences are overly complex.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThe line graph compares the number of international visitors to three different places.
Corrected awkward phrasing for clarity.
RevisedIn contrast, the number of visitors to the coast experienced an upward trend.
Clarified the sentence and corrected the expression.
RevisedAlthough the coast received slightly fewer visitors in 1992, down from 40,000 in 1987, it recovered and peaked at approximately 75,000 visitors in the final year.
Corrected grammatical errors for better readability.
Lexical resource
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay uses a range of vocabulary, but some word choices are awkward or repetitive. There is some attempt at variety, but it could be improved.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedDespite a significant rise, visiting the mountains remained the least popular option over the 20-year period.
Removed unnecessary words for conciseness.
RevisedHowever, over the next five years, the number of visitors to the lakes declined sharply to 50,000.
Used more precise vocabulary to describe the change.
RevisedDespite the positive trend, the mountains were not as popular as the other two areas.
Used clearer language to convey the comparison.
Task achievement
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task, summarizing the main features and making some comparisons. However, more detailed analysis and specific data references would strengthen the response.
Suggestions
- Include more specific data points to support statements.
- Provide a clearer comparison between the trends of each area.
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