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Visitors to three areas: IELTS Task 1 answer #6, band 5.5

A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.

254 words. Marked by Axiom on 21 November 2024. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

The line graph this answer describes

Visitors to three areas (IELTS Task 1 line graph)The coast, The mountains, The lakes for 1987, 1992, 1997, 2002, 2007, in thousand visitors. Values are approximate, read from the original chart.02040608019871992199720022007
Visitors to three areas (IELTS Task 1 line graph)The coast, The mountains, The lakes for 1987, 1992, 1997, 2002, 2007, in thousand visitors. Values are approximate, read from the original chart.02040608019871992199720022007
Values in thousand visitors. Values approximate: read from the original chart, not printed on it.
Show the data
Visitors to three areas (IELTS Task 1 line graph) (thousand visitors)
The coastThe mountainsThe lakes
1987402010
1992352525
1997483040
2002623175
2007753550

Academic Task 1254 words

The graphy shows the number or oversea visitors to three different areas in a European country between 1987 and 2007

The line graph shows how many foreign tourists paid a visit to three various areas of an unspecified European country from 1987 to 2007.

It is also clear that the number of overseas tourists who visited the mountain areas sharply increased, even overtaking the figure for the coast in 2002.

  1. Coherence & cohesion

    RevisedOverall, the graph shows significant changes in the number of overseas visitors to the three areas over the period.

    The original sentence is unclear and awkwardly phrased.

  2. Grammar & accuracy

    RevisedWhile the coast generally attracted the highest number of foreign visitors, except in 2002, visits to the lakes showed a slight upward trend.

    The sentence structure is awkward and needs rephrasing for clarity.

In 1987, the figure for people who paid a visit to the lakes stood at 10,000, this being the smallest number on the chart.

  1. Coherence & cohesion

    RevisedFollowing this, the lakes became increasingly popular, peaking at approximately 75,000 visitors in 2002.

    The sentence is overly wordy and can be simplified for clarity.

  2. Grammar & accuracy

    RevisedAfterward, there was a slight decrease, ending at 55,000 in the final year.

    The sentence is fragmented and needs restructuring.

As for the coast, in the initial years, this area of foreign visitors, standing at more or less 40,000 in 1987.

  1. Lexical resource

    Revisedattracted more visitors

    'Attracted more visitors' is clearer and more natural.

  2. Coherence & cohesion

    RevisedAlthough this figure decreased to just over 30,000 in 1992, it then rose dramatically, reaching 70,000 in 2007.

    The sentence is complex and can be simplified for better understanding.

Initially, the figure, starting at just below 20,000 in 1987, slowly went up to 30,000, despite some fluctuations.

  1. Grammar & accuracy

    RevisedRegarding the mountainous areas, they attracted fewer international visitors compared to the other two areas throughout the period.

    The sentence contains a spelling error and can be rephrased for clarity.

Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.

Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.

Coherence & cohesion

Band 6.0/ 9

The essay is logically organized, but some information is repeated and lacks clarity in parts.

Suggestions

  • Avoid repetition of information.
  • Ensure clear and logical progression of ideas.
  • Use linking words effectively.

Sentence revisions 3

  • RevisedOverall, the graph shows significant changes in the number of overseas visitors to the three areas over the period.

    The original sentence is unclear and awkwardly phrased.

  • RevisedFollowing this, the lakes became increasingly popular, peaking at approximately 75,000 visitors in 2002.

    The sentence is overly wordy and can be simplified for clarity.

  • RevisedAlthough this figure decreased to just over 30,000 in 1992, it then rose dramatically, reaching 70,000 in 2007.

    The sentence is complex and can be simplified for better understanding.

Grammar & accuracy

Band 5.0/ 9

The essay demonstrates some grammatical control, but errors are present and affect understanding.

Sentence revisions 3

  • RevisedWhile the coast generally attracted the highest number of foreign visitors, except in 2002, visits to the lakes showed a slight upward trend.

    The sentence structure is awkward and needs rephrasing for clarity.

  • RevisedAfterward, there was a slight decrease, ending at 55,000 in the final year.

    The sentence is fragmented and needs restructuring.

  • RevisedRegarding the mountainous areas, they attracted fewer international visitors compared to the other two areas throughout the period.

    The sentence contains a spelling error and can be rephrased for clarity.

Lexical resource

Band 6.0/ 9

The essay uses a mix of appropriate vocabulary but lacks variety and precision in some areas.

Sentence revisions 3

  • Revisedsignificant changes

    'Significant changes' is a more precise term.

  • Revisedattracted more visitors

    'Attracted more visitors' is clearer and more natural.

  • Revisedslight decrease

    'Slight decrease' is a clearer expression.

Task achievement

Band 6.0/ 9

The essay addresses the task but lacks detailed analysis and some data is inaccurately reported.

Suggestions

  • Include more precise data from the graph.
  • Ensure all key trends are clearly described.

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