Visitors to three areas: IELTS Task 1 answer #43, band 5.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
182 words. Marked by Axiom on 16 October 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
The line graph this answer describes
Show the data
| The coast | The mountains | The lakes | |
|---|---|---|---|
| 1987 | 40 | 20 | 10 |
| 1992 | 35 | 25 | 25 |
| 1997 | 48 | 30 | 40 |
| 2002 | 62 | 31 | 75 |
| 2007 | 75 | 35 | 50 |
Academic Task 1182 words
The graph below shows the number of overseas visitors to three different areas in a European country between 1987 and 2007..
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedThe graph shows the number of people taking part in four different sports in a particular region from 1985 to 2005.
The essay should reflect the task description and focus correctly on the data presented.
Additionally, while the figures for tennis increased sharply taking the lead, those for basketballers remained almost the same.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedOverall, despite initial dominance, the number of rugby players fell significantly, eventually reaching figures similar to badminton enthusiasts.
Using accurate interpretations of the data presented in the graph is crucial.
More specifically, looking at higher figures, rugby was the most participated sport in 1985, with around 240,000 participants. Nevertheless, this sport had consistently lost its attendees by 2005, comprised approximately 150,000 enthusiasts in 1985, which is the second dominant indicator, over the next 2 decades their number constantly increased reaching their peak at around 230,000.
Lexical resource
Revised...hitting the lowest point at about 50,000 participants.
Enhancing expression with a stronger verb choice.
Lexical resource
RevisedIn contrast, the number of tennis players...
Use accurate terminology pertaining to data measurement.
Since these sports did not gain the same interest among people as did tennis, they had almost the same number of practitioners in 2005, around 60,000 people took part in basketball and 50,000 in badminton.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedTurning to both the most stable and least participated figures, basketball attracted around 75,000 and badminton 55,000 participants in 1985.
Mention specific sports with accurate data from the graph.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 5.0/ 9
The essay has a basic structure with clear paragraphs but lacks coherence in aligning with the correct data and topic.
Suggestions
- Ensure the essay refers to the correct data set.
- Maintain alignment between essay content and the actual chart data.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThe graph shows the number of people taking part in four different sports in a particular region from 1985 to 2005.
The essay should reflect the task description and focus correctly on the data presented.
RevisedOverall, despite initial dominance, the number of rugby players fell significantly, eventually reaching figures similar to badminton enthusiasts.
Using accurate interpretations of the data presented in the graph is crucial.
RevisedTurning to both the most stable and least participated figures, basketball attracted around 75,000 and badminton 55,000 participants in 1985.
Mention specific sports with accurate data from the graph.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
Good grammatical control but occasionally awkward constructions.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedDespite its initial dominance, the number of rugby players fell significantly, eventually becoming the least participated sport.
Enhance clarity by adding necessary articles and rearranging phrases.
RevisedOverall, while rugby initially had the highest number of players, its popularity dropped drastically, aligning eventually with the number of badminton players.
Clarifies subject and verb agreement while enhancing clarity.
RevisedAs for the most stable and least participated sports, basketball attracted...
Improves sentence structure for clarity and precision.
Lexical resource
Band 6.0/ 9
The lexical resource is adequate but the essay could benefit from a broader range of vocabulary related to data representation.
Sentence revisions 4
RevisedOverall, despite initial dominance, the number of rugby players fell significantly, eventually aligning with the count of badminton enthusiasts.
Improves vocabulary choice in describing data trends.
RevisedThe number of tennis participants was around 150,000 in 1985, making it the second most popular sport.
Clarification and variety in vocabulary should be improved.
RevisedIn contrast, the number of tennis players...
Use accurate terminology pertaining to data measurement.
Revised...hitting the lowest point at about 50,000 participants.
Enhancing expression with a stronger verb choice.
Task achievement
Band 4.0/ 9
The essay does not fulfill the task as it describes an incorrect graph and data set.
Suggestions
- Align the description with the correct data and time frame.
- Ensure that all sports in the graph are adequately reported.
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