Visitors to three areas: IELTS Task 1 answer #44, band 6.0

The chart compares foreigners’ visits to three different recreational areas in a European country from 1987 to 2007.

Overall, a universal rising trend can be seen in the number of tourists regardless of destinations. Despite being less appealing, the lake attracted more tourists over time before losing its popularity at the end. Coastal areas remained the most visited area for the majority of the period, while the opposite can be said of the mountains.

1. Coherence & cohesion

   Close revision note

   RevisedDespite being less appealing initially, the lake's popularity increased over time, peaking before a final decline in tourists.

   Improves clarity and sequence of events.

More specifically, looking at the lake, showing the biggest change in the number of visitors. This area started as the least visited touristic spot with around 11,000 visitors. However, the lake had become the most notable recreational spot for foreigners in 2002, depicting almost 75,000 visitors. In spite of initial dramatic rise, the figure fell in the last five years to approximately 54,000.

1. Coherence & cohesion

   Close revision note

   RevisedMore specifically, the lake showed the biggest change in the number of visitors.

   Simplifies structure for clarity.

2. Lexical resource

   Close revision note

   RevisedDespite an initial dramatic rise, the number dropped to approximately 54,000 in the last five years.

   Improves grammatical accuracy and lexical choice.

Turning to the most favorable area for tourists, the coast attracted almost 40,000 visitors in 1987, and topped the chart. Nevertheless, in the next five years fewer people paid a visit to this area, accounting for about 33,000 visitors in 1982. In the next two and a half decades the flow of the tourists increased consistently and the total number of visitors was around 70,000 in 2007.

1. Grammar & accuracy

   Close revision note

   RevisedNevertheless, over the next five years, the number of visitors to this area decreased to about 33,000 by 1992.

   Corrects a factual inconsistency and structural error.

2. Grammar & accuracy

   Close revision note

   RevisedOver the next two and a half decades, the tourist numbers consistently increased, reaching around 70,000 in 2007.

   Improves readability by reorganizing sentence structure.

Finally, as far as the least attractive area for visitors is concerned, the mountains had a little amount of interest among foreigners. In 1987 only about 20,000 people came to this site and the number leveled out in the next 5 years before witnessing a slight leap to almost 30,000 visitors in 1997. After the number of tourists in mountainous areas dipped minimally to around 22,000 in 2002, the activity for climbing the mountains and visiting them had become big by 2007, depicting approximately 30,000 visitors.

1. Lexical resource

   Close revision note

   RevisedFinally, regarding the least attractive area, the mountains garnered limited interest among foreigners.

   Uses more natural expressions and precise wording.

2. Coherence & cohesion

   Close revision note

   RevisedAfter a minimal dip to around 22,000 visitors in 2002, mountain tourism increased to approximately 30,000 visitors by 2007.

   Clarifies progression of data for better comprehension.