Visitors to three areas: IELTS Task 1 answer #17, band 6.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
159 words. Marked by Axiom on 27 February 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
The line graph this answer describes
Show the data
| The coast | The mountains | The lakes | |
|---|---|---|---|
| 1987 | 40 | 20 | 10 |
| 1992 | 35 | 25 | 25 |
| 1997 | 48 | 30 | 40 |
| 2002 | 62 | 31 | 75 |
| 2007 | 75 | 35 | 50 |
Academic Task 1159 words
The graph below shows the number of overseas visitors to three different areas in European country between 1987 and 2007.
The line graph represents information about the amount of overseas visitors to three different places in a European country from 1987 and 2007
Overall, it is evident that the number of foreign visitors for all 3 types areas exhibited an increase throughout the period. Notably, visiting to the overseas country at the beginning of the period was significantly unpopular among travelers.
At the beginning of the period was 20 visitors. After that, the figure reached the highest point at 35 in 2007.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedMore specifically, the number of overseas tourists visiting the coast decreased slightly in 1992, then rose sharply from 40 to 75 in the subsequent years.
The revision provides a more detailed and accurate description of the data.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedMeanwhile, the number of foreign visitors to the mountains experienced a steady increase during the period.
The term 'foreign caller' is not appropriate in this context. The revision uses the term 'foreign visitors' which is more suitable.
Lexical resource
RevisedAs for the lakes, the number of foreign visitors fluctuated significantly, then peaked at 75 in 2002.
The term 'latter' is not clear in this context. The revision specifies 'the lakes' which makes the meaning clear.
Lexical resource
RevisedOver the next 5 year period, there was a decrease in the number of foreign visitors, ending at 50 in 2007.
The original sentence is unclear. The revision provides a more accurate and clear description of the data.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and presents a clear overview. However, there are some issues with the flow of information and the use of cohesive devices.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow of information.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to this topic.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThe line graph illustrates the number of overseas visitors to three different areas in a European country between 1987 and 2007.
The revision provides a more formal and precise description of the graph.
RevisedMore specifically, the number of overseas tourists visiting the coast decreased slightly in 1992, then rose sharply from 40 to 75 in the subsequent years.
The revision provides a more detailed and accurate description of the data.
RevisedMeanwhile, the number of foreign visitors to the mountains experienced a steady increase during the period.
The term 'foreign caller' is not appropriate in this context. The revision uses the term 'foreign visitors' which is more suitable.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are few grammatical errors. However, there are some errors in the use of articles and prepositions.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThe line graph represents the number of overseas visitors to three different areas in a European country from 1987 to 2007.
The use of 'amount of' is not appropriate as we are talking about 'the number of' visitors, not the amount. Also, the correct preposition to use is 'to' not 'and' when referring to a range of years.
RevisedMore specifically, the number of overseas tourists visiting the coast showed a negligible decrease in 1992, then rose sharply from 40 to 75 in the subsequent years.
The verb 'show' needs to be conjugated correctly to match the subject. Also, the phrase 'amount decrease' is not correct. The proper term to use is 'negligible decrease'.
RevisedMeanwhile, the number of foreign visitors to the mountains experienced a steady gain during the period.
The term 'foreign caller' is not appropriate in this context. The revision uses the term 'foreign visitors' which is more suitable.
Lexical resource
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation.
Sentence revisions 3
Revisedthe number of foreign visitors to the mountains increased steadily during the period.
The term 'foreign caller' is not appropriate in this context. The revision uses the term 'foreign visitors' which is more suitable.
RevisedAs for the lakes, the number of foreign visitors fluctuated significantly, then peaked at 75 in 2002.
The term 'latter' is not clear in this context. The revision specifies 'the lakes' which makes the meaning clear.
RevisedOver the next 5 year period, there was a decrease in the number of foreign visitors, ending at 50 in 2007.
The original sentence is unclear. The revision provides a more accurate and clear description of the data.
Task achievement
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay addresses all parts of the task and presents a clear overview of the main trends, differences or stages. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific details and by avoiding vague language.
Suggestions
- Provide more specific details about the data, such as the exact number of visitors in each year.
- Avoid vague language and use precise terms to describe the data.
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