Visitors to three areas: IELTS Task 1 answer #16, band 7.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
241 words. Marked by Axiom on 19 February 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
The line graph this answer describes
Show the data
| The coast | The mountains | The lakes | |
|---|---|---|---|
| 1987 | 40 | 20 | 10 |
| 1992 | 35 | 25 | 25 |
| 1997 | 48 | 30 | 40 |
| 2002 | 62 | 31 | 75 |
| 2007 | 75 | 35 | 50 |
Academic Task 1241 words
The graph shows the number of overseas visitors to three different areas in a European country between 1987 and 2007.
Lexical resource
RevisedThe line graph compares three different areas in a European country in terms of the number of overseas visitors over two decades, starting from 1987.
Replaced numerals with words for consistency and formality.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedOverall, the number of people traveling to the coast and the mountains experienced varying degrees of increase, with the coast remaining the most visited place. In contrast, the lakes, despite initially reaching their peak, dropped sharply at the end of the period.
Separated ideas into clearer segments for better flow.
Focusing on details, in 1987, the coast had by far the highest number of visitors, which accounted for around 40 thousand. It was twice as high as that of the mountains, while 10 thousand overseas people visited the lakes.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedInterestingly, in 1992, the number of overseas visitors to the lakes and the mountains both reached roughly 25 thousand, while the coast experienced a slight decline.
Simplified sentence structure for clarity.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedIn the following 15 years, the number of visitors to the mountains fluctuated between 20 and 30 thousand before showing a slight increase of 5 thousand in 2007.
Simplified sentence structure for clarity.
Lexical resource
RevisedDespite a consistent upward trend in the number of visitors to the lakes, peaking at 70 thousand in 2002, they attracted fewer tourists, 50 thousand, by the end of the period.
Used 'despite' for a more formal transition.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedThe coast remained the most preferred destination for travelers throughout the period, except in 1992 and 2002.
Simplified sentence for better coherence.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay is generally well-organized with a clear overview and detailed comparisons. However, some sentences could be more logically connected.
Suggestions
- Use more linking words to enhance flow.
- Ensure logical progression of ideas.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOverall, the number of people traveling to the coast and the mountains experienced varying degrees of increase, with the coast remaining the most visited place. In contrast, the lakes, despite initially reaching their peak, dropped sharply at the end of the period.
Separated ideas into clearer segments for better flow.
RevisedInterestingly, in 1992, the number of overseas visitors to the lakes and the mountains both reached roughly 25 thousand, while the coast experienced a slight decline.
Simplified sentence structure for clarity.
RevisedThe coast remained the most preferred destination for travelers throughout the period, except in 1992 and 2002.
Simplified sentence for better coherence.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures with minor errors.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThe line graph compares three different areas in a European country in terms of the number of overseas visitors over two decades, starting from 1987.
Corrected numeral usage for consistency.
RevisedIn the following 15 years, the number of visitors to the mountains fluctuated between 20 and 30 thousand before showing a slight increase of 5 thousand in 2007.
Simplified sentence structure for clarity.
RevisedThe coast remained the most preferred destination for travelers throughout the period, except in 1992 and 2002.
Simplified sentence structure for better coherence.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a good range of vocabulary with some variation. However, there is room for more sophisticated language.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThe line graph compares three different areas in a European country in terms of the number of overseas visitors over two decades, starting from 1987.
Replaced numerals with words for consistency and formality.
RevisedInterestingly, in 1992, the number of overseas visitors to the lakes and the mountains both reached approximately 25 thousand, while the coast experienced a slight decline.
Used 'approximately' for more formal tone.
RevisedDespite a consistent upward trend in the number of visitors to the lakes, peaking at 70 thousand in 2002, they attracted fewer tourists, 50 thousand, by the end of the period.
Used 'despite' for a more formal transition.
Task achievement
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay effectively addresses the task by summarizing and comparing the main features of the graph.
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