Visitors to three areas: IELTS Task 1 answer #15, band 7.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
266 words. Marked by Axiom on 8 February 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
The line graph this answer describes
Show the data
| The coast | The mountains | The lakes | |
|---|---|---|---|
| 1987 | 40 | 20 | 10 |
| 1992 | 35 | 25 | 25 |
| 1997 | 48 | 30 | 40 |
| 2002 | 62 | 31 | 75 |
| 2007 | 75 | 35 | 50 |
Academic Task 1266 words
The line graph shows the number of overseas visitors to three different areas in a European country between 1987 and 2007.
The line graph gives information about how many visitors went to three various places in a European country from 1987 to 2007.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedOverall, the number of tourists visiting the coast was consistently higher than those visiting the mountains throughout the period.
Simplified the sentence for clarity and coherence.
Lexical resource
RevisedNotably, the lakes saw the largest increase in visitors.
Simplified the expression for clarity.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn 1987, nearly 40 thousand tourists visited the coast, approximately twice the number visiting the mountains.
Improved sentence structure for better flow.
Lexical resource
RevisedHowever, the lakes had the lowest number of visitors at 10,000.
Rephrased to avoid repetition and enhance clarity.
Regarding the coast, the number of tourists going to the site grew remarkably after a slight decrease in 1992, with about 55 thousand.
Lexical resource
RevisedBy 1997, all three areas saw a noticeable increase in tourist numbers.
Simplified the sentence for better readability.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedThere was a minor disparity in the figures for the lakes and mountains, with the latter at around 35,000 and the former well below 30,000.
Clarified the sentence structure for better accuracy.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedThe number of visitors to the coast gradually increased until 2007, peaking at around 70,000, maintaining its lead.
Rephrased for clarity and conciseness.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedSimilarly, the number of visitors to the mountains rose to 30,000 after a slight fluctuation in 2002.
Corrected the term 'invisible fluctuation' to 'slight fluctuation' for accuracy.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedThe lakes had the highest number of tourists, peaking at 75,000 in 2002 before dropping to around 55,000 by the final year.
Rephrased for grammatical correctness and clarity.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay is generally well-structured with a clear introduction and overview. It presents data in a logical sequence, but some transitions could be smoother.
Suggestions
- Use more varied linking words to enhance flow.
- Ensure each paragraph has a clear focus.
- Avoid repetition of phrases.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOverall, the number of tourists visiting the coast was consistently higher than those visiting the mountains throughout the period.
Simplified the sentence for clarity and coherence.
RevisedIn 1987, nearly 40 thousand tourists visited the coast, approximately twice the number visiting the mountains.
Improved sentence structure for better flow.
RevisedThe number of visitors to the coast gradually increased until 2007, peaking at around 70,000, maintaining its lead.
Rephrased for clarity and conciseness.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures with minor errors. Sentences are mostly accurate and varied.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThere was a minor disparity in the figures for the lakes and mountains, with the latter at around 35,000 and the former well below 30,000.
Clarified the sentence structure for better accuracy.
RevisedSimilarly, the number of visitors to the mountains rose to 30,000 after a slight fluctuation in 2002.
Corrected the term 'invisible fluctuation' to 'slight fluctuation' for accuracy.
RevisedThe lakes had the highest number of tourists, peaking at 75,000 in 2002 before dropping to around 55,000 by the final year.
Rephrased for grammatical correctness and clarity.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a range of vocabulary appropriately, though some expressions are repetitive. More variety and precision could enhance the response.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedNotably, the lakes saw the largest increase in visitors.
Simplified the expression for clarity.
RevisedHowever, the lakes had the lowest number of visitors at 10,000.
Rephrased to avoid repetition and enhance clarity.
RevisedBy 1997, all three areas saw a noticeable increase in tourist numbers.
Simplified the sentence for better readability.
Task achievement
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task effectively, providing an overview and detailed information. It accurately describes trends and comparisons.
Suggestions
- Ensure all key trends are highlighted.
- Avoid unnecessary details that do not contribute to the main trends.
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