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Visitors to three areas: IELTS Task 1 answer #14, band 5.5

A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.

229 words. Marked by Axiom on 8 February 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

The line graph this answer describes

Visitors to three areas (IELTS Task 1 line graph)The coast, The mountains, The lakes for 1987, 1992, 1997, 2002, 2007, in thousand visitors. Values are approximate, read from the original chart.02040608019871992199720022007
Visitors to three areas (IELTS Task 1 line graph)The coast, The mountains, The lakes for 1987, 1992, 1997, 2002, 2007, in thousand visitors. Values are approximate, read from the original chart.02040608019871992199720022007
Values in thousand visitors. Values approximate: read from the original chart, not printed on it.
Show the data
Visitors to three areas (IELTS Task 1 line graph) (thousand visitors)
The coastThe mountainsThe lakes
1987402010
1992352525
1997483040
2002623175
2007753550

Academic Task 1229 words

The line graph shows the number of overseas visitors to three different areas in a European country between 1987 and 2007.

The line graph gives information about the number of overseas visitors to three areas in a country in Europe over a period of two decades between 1987 and 2007.

Notably, the figure for the lakes saw a downward trend in the final years despite an increase in 2002.

  1. Coherence & cohesion

    RevisedOverall, the number of international tourists visiting the coast and mountains increased significantly, while the lakes experienced a decline in the final years.

    Clarifies the contrast between the trends for different areas.

There was a slight disparity(farq) in the figures for the mountains and lakes: the former stood at 20,000, while the latter was 10,000 thousands, respectively. By 1997, there were noticeable rises in the number of visitors going to all the three areas, with the most significant increase in the figure for the coast, at about 50,000 thousand.

  1. Coherence & cohesion

    RevisedSpecifically, in 1987, the number of international tourists visiting the coast was 40,000.

    Rephrases for clarity and better flow.

In 2002, the number of overseas visitors who paid a visit to the lakes peaked at around 75 thousand. In the final year, the number of tourists going to the coast reached a peak of around 75 thousand, while there was a downward trend in the figure for lakes at about 50,000.

  1. Lexical resource

    RevisedThe number of visitors to the coast experienced a dramatic increase to over 60,000.

    Clarifies the subject of the increase.

  2. Coherence & cohesion

    RevisedLikewise, the number of visitors to the mountains gradually increased to 30,000.

    Improves sentence structure for coherence.

  3. Grammar & accuracy

    RevisedThe number of overseas visitors to the mountains saw a slight rise of 5,000.

    Improves sentence structure for clarity.

Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.

Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.

Coherence & cohesion

Band 6.0/ 9

The essay presents information logically but lacks clear connections between some points. The use of linking words could be improved for better flow.

Suggestions

  • Use more linking words to improve flow.
  • Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea.
  • Clarify comparisons between different data points.

Sentence revisions 3

  • RevisedOverall, the number of international tourists visiting the coast and mountains increased significantly, while the lakes experienced a decline in the final years.

    Clarifies the contrast between the trends for different areas.

  • RevisedSpecifically, in 1987, the number of international tourists visiting the coast was 40,000.

    Rephrases for clarity and better flow.

  • RevisedLikewise, the number of visitors to the mountains gradually increased to 30,000.

    Improves sentence structure for coherence.

Grammar & accuracy

Band 5.0/ 9

The essay contains several grammatical errors and inconsistencies in number representation.

Sentence revisions 3

  • RevisedThe former stood at 20,000, while the latter was 10,000, respectively.

    Corrects numerical inconsistency.

  • RevisedIn the final year, the number of tourists visiting the coast peaked at around 75,000.

    Ensures consistent number format and verb usage.

  • RevisedThe number of overseas visitors to the mountains saw a slight rise of 5,000.

    Improves sentence structure for clarity.

Lexical resource

Band 6.0/ 9

The essay uses a range of vocabulary but includes some inaccuracies and repetition.

Sentence revisions 3

  • RevisedThere was a slight difference in the figures for the mountains and lakes.

    Replaces 'disparity' with a more appropriate word.

  • RevisedThe number of visitors to the coast experienced a dramatic increase to over 60,000.

    Clarifies the subject of the increase.

  • RevisedBy 1997, there were noticeable increases in the number of visitors to all three areas.

    Avoids repetition and improves clarity.

Task achievement

Band 6.0/ 9

The essay addresses the task but lacks precision in data representation and analysis.

Suggestions

  • Use precise data from the graph.
  • Avoid vague terms like 'considerably' and provide exact figures.
  • Ensure all key trends are clearly described.

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