Visitors to three areas: IELTS Task 1 answer #13, band 7.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
217 words. Marked by Axiom on 3 February 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
The line graph this answer describes
Show the data
| The coast | The mountains | The lakes | |
|---|---|---|---|
| 1987 | 40 | 20 | 10 |
| 1992 | 35 | 25 | 25 |
| 1997 | 48 | 30 | 40 |
| 2002 | 62 | 31 | 75 |
| 2007 | 75 | 35 | 50 |
Academic Task 1217 words
The line graph below shows the number of overseas visitors to three different areas in a European country between 1987 and 2007.
The line graph illustrates the count of foreign tourists to three various locations in one European country from 1987 to 2007. Overall, coasts remained dominant tourist destinations throughout much of the period, while the opposite was true for mountains. Additionally, lakes saw the most significant change in the number of their visitors.
The gap narrowed down after five years, with the figures for coasts dropping to 35,000 and those for mountainous areas rising to 25,000. From that year on, the number of coastal visitors skyrocketed to peak at 75,000 in 2007. In the final year, these counts ended at 35,000 in total.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedThe figures for tourists to beaches and mountain ranges were at opposite ends of the spectrum, with beaches attracting significantly more visitors.
Clarifies the comparison between beaches and mountains.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedIn 1987, a total of 40,000 individuals visited the coastal areas, while the mountains attracted half that number.
Clarifies which locations are referred to and improves grammatical accuracy.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedHowever, the number of visitors to the mountains grew to 30,000 in 1997, remaining stable for the next five years.
Improves sentence structure for clarity.
Starting at 10,000, the number of visitors to these places maintained an upward trend until 1997, reaching 40,000.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn contrast, lakes experienced the most substantial changes in their visitor numbers.
Provides a clearer contrast with the previous paragraph.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedSubsequently, the increase became more pronounced, reaching an all-time high of 75,000 and surpassing the figures for coastal tourists.
Improves the transition and clarity.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedIn the final five years, this number fell back to 50,000.
'Fell back' is more appropriate than 'bounced back' in this context.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay is generally well-organized and uses cohesive devices effectively. However, some transitions between ideas could be smoother.
Suggestions
- Improve transitions between paragraphs.
- Use more varied linking words.
- Ensure logical flow of ideas.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThe figures for tourists to beaches and mountain ranges were at opposite ends of the spectrum, with beaches attracting significantly more visitors.
Clarifies the comparison between beaches and mountains.
RevisedIn contrast, lakes experienced the most substantial changes in their visitor numbers.
Provides a clearer contrast with the previous paragraph.
RevisedSubsequently, the increase became more pronounced, reaching an all-time high of 75,000 and surpassing the figures for coastal tourists.
Improves the transition and clarity.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures with minor errors.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedIn 1987, a total of 40,000 individuals visited the coastal areas, while the mountains attracted half that number.
Clarifies which locations are referred to and improves grammatical accuracy.
RevisedHowever, the number of visitors to the mountains grew to 30,000 in 1997, remaining stable for the next five years.
Improves sentence structure for clarity.
RevisedIn the final five years, this number fell back to 50,000.
'Fell back' is more appropriate than 'bounced back' in this context.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a range of vocabulary appropriately, though it could benefit from more variety and precision.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThe line graph illustrates the number of foreign tourists visiting three different locations.
'Number' is more precise than 'count', and 'different' is clearer than 'various'.
RevisedThe gap narrowed after five years.
'Narrowed' is sufficient without 'down'.
RevisedThe increase became more significant.
'Significant' is a stronger term than 'noticeable'.
Task achievement
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task effectively, summarizing the main trends and making relevant comparisons.
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