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Visitors to three areas: IELTS Task 1 answer #12, band 5.0

A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.

169 words. Marked by Axiom on 1 February 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

The line graph this answer describes

Visitors to three areas (IELTS Task 1 line graph)The coast, The mountains, The lakes for 1987, 1992, 1997, 2002, 2007, in thousand visitors. Values are approximate, read from the original chart.02040608019871992199720022007
Visitors to three areas (IELTS Task 1 line graph)The coast, The mountains, The lakes for 1987, 1992, 1997, 2002, 2007, in thousand visitors. Values are approximate, read from the original chart.02040608019871992199720022007
Values in thousand visitors. Values approximate: read from the original chart, not printed on it.
Show the data
Visitors to three areas (IELTS Task 1 line graph) (thousand visitors)
The coastThe mountainsThe lakes
1987402010
1992352525
1997483040
2002623175
2007753550

Academic Task 1169 words

The graph below shows the number of overseas visitors to three different areas in a European country between 1987 and 2007.

Additionally, apart from decreases, the lakes were popular places in Europe.

  1. Grammar & accuracy

    RevisedThe line graph illustrates the changes in the number of people who visited three different overseas places in a European country from 1987 to 2007.

    Corrected preposition and word order errors.

  2. Coherence & cohesion

    RevisedOverall, while the number of visitors to the coast and lakes increased significantly, the number of visitors to the mountains showed a different trend.

    Clarified the sentence for better understanding and used more precise language.

However, the figure continued rising and saw a substantial growth until the end of the period. Similarly, the lakes were not as common as the coast and mountains in 1987.

  1. Coherence & cohesion

    RevisedStarting at 40,000, the number of visitors to the coast declined in 1992.

    Reorganized the sentence for clarity and coherence.

  2. Lexical resource

    RevisedThe number of visitors to the lakes grew considerably and experienced a surge between 1997 and 2002.

    Used more precise vocabulary to describe the data.

  3. Lexical resource

    RevisedThe number of visitors peaked at around 75,000 before declining at the end of the period.

    Improved word choice and sentence structure for clarity.

  4. Lexical resource

    RevisedMoreover, despite the decrease, the number of visitors to the coast was notably higher than in 1987.

    Corrected word choice and improved grammatical accuracy.

  1. Coherence & cohesion

    RevisedThe number of visitors to the mountains started at 20,000 and grew to 30,000 in the first decade.

    Simplified and clarified the sentence structure.

  2. Grammar & accuracy

    RevisedBefore climbing to approximately 30,000, the number of visitors remained unchanged.

    Corrected verb form to improve grammatical accuracy.

Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.

Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.

Coherence & cohesion

Band 5.0/ 9

The essay lacks clear organization and logical progression. There are abrupt transitions between ideas, and some sentences are difficult to follow.

Suggestions

  • Use linking words to improve flow.
  • Organize paragraphs logically.
  • Summarize key points clearly.

Sentence revisions 3

  • RevisedOverall, while the number of visitors to the coast and lakes increased significantly, the number of visitors to the mountains showed a different trend.

    Clarified the sentence for better understanding and used more precise language.

  • RevisedStarting at 40,000, the number of visitors to the coast declined in 1992.

    Reorganized the sentence for clarity and coherence.

  • RevisedThe number of visitors to the mountains started at 20,000 and grew to 30,000 in the first decade.

    Simplified and clarified the sentence structure.

Grammar & accuracy

Band 5.0/ 9

The essay contains several grammatical errors and awkward sentence constructions, affecting readability.

Sentence revisions 3

  • RevisedThe line graph illustrates the changes in the number of people who visited three different overseas places in a European country from 1987 to 2007.

    Corrected preposition and word order errors.

  • RevisedThe number of visitors to the lakes grew considerably and experienced a surge between 1997 and 2002.

    Clarified the subject and improved grammatical accuracy.

  • RevisedBefore climbing to approximately 30,000, the number of visitors remained unchanged.

    Corrected verb form to improve grammatical accuracy.

Lexical resource

Band 5.0/ 9

The essay uses basic vocabulary with occasional errors in word choice and usage. There is a need for more variety and precision in language.

Sentence revisions 3

  • RevisedThe number of visitors peaked at around 75,000 before declining at the end of the period.

    Improved word choice and sentence structure for clarity.

  • RevisedMoreover, despite the decrease, the number of visitors to the coast was notably higher than in 1987.

    Corrected word choice and improved grammatical accuracy.

  • RevisedThe number of visitors to the lakes grew considerably and experienced a surge between 1997 and 2002.

    Used more precise vocabulary to describe the data.

Task achievement

Band 5.0/ 9

The essay addresses the task but lacks detailed analysis and clear explanations of the data trends.

Suggestions

  • Provide more detailed analysis of trends.
  • Explain the significance of data changes.
  • Include more specific data points.

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