Visitors to three areas: IELTS Task 1 answer #1, band 5.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
169 words. Marked by Axiom on 12 August 2024. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
The line graph this answer describes
Show the data
| The coast | The mountains | The lakes | |
|---|---|---|---|
| 1987 | 40 | 20 | 10 |
| 1992 | 35 | 25 | 25 |
| 1997 | 48 | 30 | 40 |
| 2002 | 62 | 31 | 75 |
| 2007 | 75 | 35 | 50 |
Academic Task 1169 words
The graph below shows the number of overseas visitors to three different areas in a European country between 1987 and 2007. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features of the graph and make comparisons where relevant
the shown graph gives information about how many tourists visiting European country's cost,mountains,and lakes from 1987to2007.
Ironically, visiting to the lakes saw a significant fall after 2002,while the coast and the mountains faced considerable growth last years.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIt is evident that the number of visitors to the lakes saw a considerable increase in the years leading up to 2002, during which time visitor numbers to the coast and mountains remained relatively comparable.
The revision clarifies and formalizes the language, making the comparison more precise and improving the overall coherence.
this rate began to decrease considerably in 2002 years,reaching 50,000tourists last 2007 year.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedVisitor numbers for the lakes increased from 10,000 in 1987 to about 75,000 by 2002.
The revision corrects the year in the original sentence and simplifies the language, providing a clear and accurate statement of the data.
Beginning of the 1987 20,000 tourists visited the mountains of European country while rising was similar about in 1995 years until 2000 it slightly rised around 35,000 and additionally if we compared trend it was similar rising between 2000and 2007.We can see that fist visiting slightly dropped in the coast about 5000 people in 1992,second it increased 45,000 people from 1992 and 2007.
Lexical resource
RevisedThe coastal area exhibited contrasting figures to those of the lakes.
The revision provides a more formal and precise expression, improving the overall lexical resource of the essay.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 5.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and presents a clear overview of the main trends observed in the graph. However, the flow of information could be improved by using more varied cohesive devices and by structuring the report into distinct paragraphs for the introduction, overview, and detailed analysis of each location.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow of information.
- Structure your report into distinct paragraphs for the introduction, overview, and detailed analysis of each location.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThe provided graph illustrates the number of tourists visiting the coastal areas, mountains, and lakes of a European country from 1987 to 2007.
The revision provides a more formal and clear introduction to the topic, and corrects the misuse of the dollar sign ('$') at the beginning of the sentence.
RevisedIt is evident that the number of visitors to the lakes saw a considerable increase in the years leading up to 2002, during which time visitor numbers to the coast and mountains remained relatively comparable.
The revision clarifies and formalizes the language, making the comparison more precise and improving the overall coherence.
RevisedVisitor numbers for the lakes increased from 10,000 in 1987 to about 75,000 by 2002.
The revision corrects the year in the original sentence and simplifies the language, providing a clear and accurate statement of the data.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 5.0/ 9
The essay makes use of a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and the majority of sentences are error-free. However, there are occasional grammatical errors and inaccuracies in the use of prepositions and articles.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThe shown graph gives information about the number of tourists visiting the coastal areas, mountains, and lakes of a European country from 1987 to 2007.
The revision corrects grammatical errors in the original sentence, including the misuse of the dollar sign ('$') and the misspelling of 'coast' as 'cost'.
RevisedIt is evident that there was a considerable increase in visits to the lakes in the five years leading up to the given period, during which visits to the coast and the mountains were similarly proportioned.
The revision corrects grammatical errors in the original sentence, making the tenses and prepositional phrases more accurate and appropriate.
RevisedIn 1987, the mountains of the European country attracted 20,000 tourists, a number that saw a similar trend until around 2000 when it increased to approximately 35,000.
The revision corrects grammatical errors in the original sentence, including the missing comma after '1987' and the inappropriate use of 'rising' and 'rised'.
Lexical resource
Band 5.0/ 9
The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary and uses some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are instances of informal language and inaccuracies that affect the overall lexical resource score.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThe provided graph illustrates the number of tourists visiting the coastal areas, mountains, and lakes of a European country from 1987 to 2007.
The revision corrects the informal language used in the original sentence ('$the shown graph') and provides a more formal and appropriate introduction to the topic.
RevisedVisitor numbers for the lakes increased from 10,000 in 1987 to about 75,000 by 2002.
The revision corrects the misuse of the term '2002year' and provides a more precise and formal statement of the data.
RevisedThe coastal area exhibited contrasting figures to those of the lakes.
The revision provides a more formal and precise expression, improving the overall lexical resource of the essay.
Task achievement
Band 5.0/ 9
The essay provides an adequate response to the task, describing the trends in visitor numbers to the specified locations over the given period. However, the essay could be improved by providing a more detailed analysis of the data, making more specific comparisons between the different locations and years, and using a wider range of language to describe trends and make comparisons.
Suggestions
- Provide a more detailed analysis of the data, making more specific comparisons between the different locations and years.
- Use a wider range of language to describe trends and make comparisons.
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