Visitors to three areas: IELTS Task 1 answer #2, band 6.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
159 words. Marked by Axiom on 24 August 2024. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
The line graph this answer describes
Show the data
| The coast | The mountains | The lakes | |
|---|---|---|---|
| 1987 | 40 | 20 | 10 |
| 1992 | 35 | 25 | 25 |
| 1997 | 48 | 30 | 40 |
| 2002 | 62 | 31 | 75 |
| 2007 | 75 | 35 | 50 |
Academic Task 1159 words
The graph below shows the number of overseas visitors to three different areas in European country between 1987 to 2007.
The line grapgh compares the number of ffto European countries from 1987 to 2007.
Tourists who came from over the lake had been the lowest during the period of time.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedOverall, the number of visitors to the coast increased, while the mountain visitors reached the highest point.
The original sentence was confusing and unclear. The revision provides a more coherent statement.
In 1987, the visitors started coming, the coast visitors had started from the highest number 40,000,the muountain and over the lake inhabitants started to visit the number of 20,000 and 10,000 respectively.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedThe number of lake visitors increased steadily until it peaked with more than 70,000 travellers in 2002, but after this, it declined to 50,000 in 2007.
The revised sentence is more coherent and provides a clearer explanation.
Travellers who came to from over the mountain always had been the lowest positon, increased fluctuated and only rose from 20,000 to 30,000.
Lexical resource
RevisedThe number of visitors to the mountain and coast fluctuated during this period. Despite this, the coast had the highest number of visitors at the starting point, it increased slowly and peaked at more than 75,000 visitors to Europe in 2007.
The revised sentence corrects the inappropriate word choices and provides a more accurate description.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and presents a clear overview. However, there are some issues with the flow of information and the use of cohesive devices.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow of information.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic.
Sentence revisions 2
RevisedOverall, the number of visitors to the coast increased, while the mountain visitors reached the highest point.
The original sentence was confusing and unclear. The revision provides a more coherent statement.
RevisedThe number of lake visitors increased steadily until it peaked with more than 70,000 travellers in 2002, but after this, it declined to 50,000 in 2007.
The revised sentence is more coherent and provides a clearer explanation.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there is some use of passive voice and conditional sentences. However, there are several grammatical errors that affect the clarity of the writing.
Sentence revisions 2
RevisedThe line graph compares the number of visitors to European countries from 1987 to 2007.
The sentence had typos and was not grammatically correct. The revision provides a grammatically correct version.
RevisedOverall, the number of visitors to the coast increased, while the number of mountain visitors reached the highest point.
The original sentence was grammatically incorrect. The revision provides a grammatically correct version.
Lexical resource
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay uses a range of vocabulary and shows some ability to use collocations. However, there are some inaccuracies and inappropriate word choices.
Sentence revisions 2
RevisedThe line graph compares the number of visitors to European countries from 1987 to 2007.
The original sentence had typos and was not grammatically correct. The revision provides a grammatically correct version.
RevisedThe number of visitors to the mountain and coast fluctuated during this period. Despite this, the coast had the highest number of visitors at the starting point, it increased slowly and peaked at more than 75,000 visitors to Europe in 2007.
The revised sentence corrects the inappropriate word choices and provides a more accurate description.
Task achievement
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay provides an overview of the information presented in the graph and makes some comparisons. However, the essay could be improved by providing more detailed analysis and by making clearer connections between the data points.
Suggestions
- Provide a more detailed analysis of the data and make clearer connections between the data points.
- Include more specific details and examples in your analysis.
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