Visitors to three areas: IELTS Task 1 answer #3, band 6.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
164 words. Marked by Axiom on 26 August 2024. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
The line graph this answer describes
Show the data
| The coast | The mountains | The lakes | |
|---|---|---|---|
| 1987 | 40 | 20 | 10 |
| 1992 | 35 | 25 | 25 |
| 1997 | 48 | 30 | 40 |
| 2002 | 62 | 31 | 75 |
| 2007 | 75 | 35 | 50 |
Academic Task 1164 words
The graph below shows the number of overseas visitors to three different areas in a European country between 1987 and 2007.
The given line graph illustrates the number of tourists from different countries to three various places in a European state in 2 decades ( from 1987 till 2007). The properties are given in thousands.
Overall, it is clear that the number of visitors who visited to the coast and the lakes increased dramatically over the given period, while the figure for the number of tourists to the mountains rose slightly over 20 years.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedBetween 1992 and 2007, the number of overseas visitors to the coast increased dramatically from just over 30,000 to 70,000, with a brief decrease in between.
The revision improves the sentence by removing unnecessary words and adding clarity.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedMeanwhile, the number of tourists visiting the mountains increased marginally during this period.
The term 'the figure for tourists who visited to the mountains' is awkward and grammatically incorrect. The revision provides a more natural and grammatically correct sentence.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIt is also worth noting that this figure remained the same from 1997 to 2002.
The revision uses more precise language and improves the clarity of the sentence.
Lexical resource
RevisedThe number of visitors to the lakes rose dramatically from 10,000 to 75,000 by 2002, but then saw a dramatic decrease of 25,000 by the end of the period.
The revision corrects awkward phrasing and word choice, making the sentence more natural and easy to understand.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and presents a clear overview. However, there are some issues with the flow of information and the use of cohesive devices.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow of information.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph are relevant to that topic.
Sentence revisions 2
RevisedBetween 1992 and 2007, the number of overseas visitors to the coast increased dramatically from just over 30,000 to 70,000, with a brief decrease in between.
The revision improves the sentence by removing unnecessary words and adding clarity.
RevisedIt is also worth noting that this figure remained the same from 1997 to 2002.
The revision uses more precise language and improves the clarity of the sentence.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there is some use of passive and conditional structures. However, there are several grammatical errors that can make it difficult to understand the meaning.
Sentence revisions 2
RevisedThe number of overseas visitors to the coast soared from just above 30,000 to 70,000 between 1992 and 2007 after a slight decrease.
The term 'the indicator for' is not the most appropriate choice of phrase in this context. The revision simplifies the language and corrects the grammatical error.
RevisedMeanwhile, the number of tourists visiting the mountains increased marginally during this period.
The term 'the figure for tourists who visited to the mountains' is awkward and grammatically incorrect. The revision provides a more natural and grammatically correct sentence.
Lexical resource
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay uses a range of vocabulary and there is some evidence of an attempt to use less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.
Sentence revisions 1
RevisedThe number of visitors to the lakes rose dramatically from 10,000 to 75,000 by 2002, but then saw a dramatic decrease of 25,000 by the end of the period.
The revision corrects awkward phrasing and word choice, making the sentence more natural and easy to understand.
Task achievement
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay addresses all parts of the task and presents a clear overview of the information. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific details and by making more precise comparisons.
Suggestions
- Provide more specific details and make more precise comparisons.
- Use a wider range of structures to describe trends and make sure that all statements are fully supported by the data in the graph.
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