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Visitors to three areas: IELTS Task 1 answer #9, band 6.0

A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.

162 words. Marked by Axiom on 28 January 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

The line graph this answer describes

Visitors to three areas (IELTS Task 1 line graph)The coast, The mountains, The lakes for 1987, 1992, 1997, 2002, 2007, in thousand visitors. Values are approximate, read from the original chart.02040608019871992199720022007
Visitors to three areas (IELTS Task 1 line graph)The coast, The mountains, The lakes for 1987, 1992, 1997, 2002, 2007, in thousand visitors. Values are approximate, read from the original chart.02040608019871992199720022007
Values in thousand visitors. Values approximate: read from the original chart, not printed on it.
Show the data
Visitors to three areas (IELTS Task 1 line graph) (thousand visitors)
The coastThe mountainsThe lakes
1987402010
1992352525
1997483040
2002623175
2007753550

Academic Task 1162 words

The graph below shows the number of overseas visitors to three different areas in a European country between 1987 and 2007.

The line graph illustrates how many foreigners visiting a coast,mountains and lake in a country in Europe throughout the 20-year period, starting from 1987.

  1. Grammar & accuracy

    RevisedOverall, despite drastic rises and falls, all three places saw an increase in tourist numbers.

    Corrected word choice and improved sentence structure.

Focusing on the coast and the lake, the former dominated the chart with 40,000, and the latter was the least attractive with just over 10,000 visitors. The lake overrun the coast in 2002 with 75,000, which is 15,000 more than the coast. However, in the final year, the figures were about 53,000 and 70,000 for the lake and the coast, respectively.

  1. Grammar & accuracy

    RevisedDue to a sudden drop in the coast's popularity and growth in the lake's popularity, the numbers were almost equal at around 30,000.

    Improved clarity and grammatical accuracy.

After a 7,000-fall the next 5 years, the figure returned to its highest peak.

  1. Coherence & cohesion

    RevisedAs for the mountains, they started with approximately 20,000 tourists and remained steady for several years.

    Added clarity about the duration of steadiness.

  2. Grammar & accuracy

    RevisedBy 1997, the number of tourists had increased to just under 30,000.

    Corrected grammatical structure and word choice.

Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.

Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.

Coherence & cohesion

Band 6.0/ 9

The essay presents information in a logical order, but some details are unclear or slightly disorganized.

Suggestions

  • Clarify comparisons between the areas.
  • Ensure logical flow between sentences.
  • Use more linking words for better cohesion.

Sentence revisions 3

  • RevisedThe lake surpassed the coast in 2002 with 75,000 visitors, 15,000 more than the coast.

    Clarified the comparison between the lake and the coast.

  • RevisedAs for the mountains, they started with approximately 20,000 tourists and remained steady for several years.

    Added clarity about the duration of steadiness.

  • RevisedAfter a fall of 7,000 over the next 5 years, the number of visitors returned to its peak.

    Improved clarity and grammatical structure.

Grammar & accuracy

Band 6.0/ 9

The essay shows a reasonable range of grammatical structures, but there are some errors in sentence structure and punctuation.

Sentence revisions 3

  • RevisedOverall, despite drastic rises and falls, all three places saw an increase in tourist numbers.

    Corrected word choice and improved sentence structure.

  • RevisedDue to a sudden drop in the coast's popularity and growth in the lake's popularity, the numbers were almost equal at around 30,000.

    Improved clarity and grammatical accuracy.

  • RevisedBy 1997, the number of tourists had increased to just under 30,000.

    Corrected grammatical structure and word choice.

Lexical resource

Band 6.0/ 9

The essay uses a range of vocabulary, but some word choices are inappropriate or repetitive.

Sentence revisions 3

  • RevisedThe lake surpassed the coast in 2002.

    'Surpassed' is a more appropriate word choice than 'overrun.'

  • RevisedInitially, the coast attracted the most visitors with 40,000.

    Replaced 'dominated the chart' with a clearer expression.

  • RevisedThe number of visitors to the mountains remained steady.

    Provided a more precise expression for steadiness.

Task achievement

Band 7.0/ 9

The essay addresses the task and includes relevant information, but lacks some detail and clarity.

Suggestions

  • Provide more specific data points.
  • Include a clearer overview of trends.

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