Visitors to three areas: IELTS Task 1 answer #11, band 6.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
156 words. Marked by Axiom on 28 January 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
The line graph this answer describes
Show the data
| The coast | The mountains | The lakes | |
|---|---|---|---|
| 1987 | 40 | 20 | 10 |
| 1992 | 35 | 25 | 25 |
| 1997 | 48 | 30 | 40 |
| 2002 | 62 | 31 | 75 |
| 2007 | 75 | 35 | 50 |
Academic Task 1156 words
The graph below shows the number of overseas visitors to three different areas in a European country between 1987 and 2007.
The line graph shows data on how many people visited three different areas in a European country during 20 years .
Overall, visiting to the lakes was the most popular among tourists in 2002 . The number of visitors to the coast increased dramatically from 1992 to 2007 in a European country, while figure for the mountains rised slightly from start to the end of the period.
Looking at the details, as regards the lakes , the number of people who visited to the lakes , went up sharply in the first half of decade and reached a peak in 2002 . If we look at the coast, there was a slight decrease between 1987 and 1992 and then it witnessed a dramatic growth in the last 15 years and in 2007 approximately 75 thousands of people visited to the area. Another interesting point is that visitors to the mountains rised gradually over the whole period
No passages are highlighted in this essay.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, overview, and detailed paragraphs. However, some sentences are repetitive or lack smooth transitions.
Suggestions
- Use more varied linking words to improve flow.
- Avoid repetition of similar ideas.
- Ensure each paragraph has a clear focus.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOverall, the lakes were the most popular destination among tourists in 2002.
Simplified the sentence for better clarity.
RevisedRegarding the lakes, the number of visitors increased sharply in the first half of the decade, peaking in 2002.
Removed unnecessary words for clarity.
RevisedVisitors to the mountains gradually increased over the entire period.
Used a more concise expression.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 5.0/ 9
The essay contains a range of grammatical errors, including incorrect verb forms and unnecessary words.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThe number of visitors to the coast increased dramatically from 1992 to 2007.
Removed the redundant phrase 'in a European country' as it is already stated.
RevisedThe number of visitors to the coast increased dramatically from 1992 to 2007, while the figure for the mountains rose slightly.
Corrected verb tense and added 'the' for grammatical accuracy.
RevisedVisitors to the mountains rose gradually over the entire period.
Corrected the verb form 'rised' to 'rose'.
Lexical resource
Band 6.0/ 9
The vocabulary used is adequate but lacks variety. Some terms are repetitive, and there are minor errors in word choice.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThe number of visitors to the coast rose significantly from 1992 to 2007.
Used a synonym for 'increased' to vary vocabulary.
RevisedThe number of people who visited the lakes.
Corrected the unnecessary preposition 'to'.
RevisedAnother notable point is that visitors to the mountains rose gradually.
Used a more precise adjective and corrected the verb form.
Task achievement
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task and provides an overview and details. However, it could include more precise data from the graph.
Suggestions
- Include specific data points from the graph to support statements.
- Ensure all trends are accurately described.
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