Visitors to three areas: IELTS Task 1 answer #5, band 5.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
129 words. Marked by Axiom on 30 October 2024. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
The line graph this answer describes
Show the data
| The coast | The mountains | The lakes | |
|---|---|---|---|
| 1987 | 40 | 20 | 10 |
| 1992 | 35 | 25 | 25 |
| 1997 | 48 | 30 | 40 |
| 2002 | 62 | 31 | 75 |
| 2007 | 75 | 35 | 50 |
Academic Task 1129 words
The line graph below shows the number of overseas visitors to three different areas in a European country between 1987 and 2007 ?
The line graph illustrates the amount of overseas visitors to the coast, the mountains and the Lakes in a European country from 1987 to 2007.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedOverall, the number of overseas visitors to the coast, the mountains, and the lakes increased gradually over the given years.
The phrase 'the likes' is not appropriate in this context. Also, it is better to use the preposition 'to' after the verb 'increased'.
Looking at the details, the amount of abroad visitors to the coast decreased minimally from 40 to around 35 in 1992.
Lexical resource
RevisedHowever, it showed an increase of 35 between 1992 and 2007.
The phrase 'showed of 35 increase' is not grammatically correct. It is better to use 'showed an increase of 35'.
Lexical resource
RevisedAlso, the number of overseas visitors to the mountains increased from 20 to approximately 35 between 1987 and 2007.
The term 'on the mountains' is not appropriate in this context. It is better to use 'to the mountains'.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedIf we look at the lakes, the number of overseas visitors increased significantly from 10 to reach a peak at about 75 between 1987 and 2002.
The term 'abroad visitors' is not standard English. It is better to use 'overseas visitors'.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedBefore decreasing to 50 in 2007.
The word 'before' was misspelled as 'Befor' in the original sentence.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 5.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and presents a clear overview. However, there are some issues with the flow of information and the use of cohesive devices.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow of information.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to this topic.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThe line graph illustrates the amount of overseas visitors to the coast, the mountains, and the lakes in a European country from 1987 to 2007.
The dollar sign at the beginning of the sentence is not necessary. Also, 'Lakes' should be 'lakes' as it is not a proper noun in this context.
RevisedOverall, the number of overseas visitors to the coast, the mountains, and the lakes increased gradually over the given years.
The phrase 'the likes' is not appropriate in this context. Also, it is better to use the preposition 'to' after the verb 'increased'.
RevisedLooking at the details, the number of overseas visitors to the coast decreased minimally from 40 to around 35 in 1992.
The term 'abroad visitors' is not standard English. It is better to use 'overseas visitors'.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 5.0/ 9
The essay makes an attempt to use a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, and the grammatical structures are generally accurate. However, there are some issues with the use of articles and prepositions, and there are a few grammatical errors that could be addressed.
Sentence revisions 3
Revisedthe number of overseas visitors to the coast decreased minimally from 40 to around 35 in 1992.
The term 'amount of abroad visitors' is not grammatically correct. It is better to use 'the number of overseas visitors'.
RevisedIf we look at the lakes, the number of overseas visitors increased significantly from 10 to reach a peak at about 75 between 1987 and 2002.
The term 'abroad visitors' is not standard English. It is better to use 'overseas visitors'.
RevisedBefore decreasing to 50 in 2007.
The word 'before' was misspelled as 'Befor' in the original sentence.
Lexical resource
Band 5.0/ 9
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some issues with word choice and spelling.
Sentence revisions 3
Revisedthe number of overseas visitors to the coast decreased minimally from 40 to around 35 in 1992.
The term 'abroad visitors' is not standard English. It is better to use 'overseas visitors'.
RevisedHowever, it showed an increase of 35 between 1992 and 2007.
The phrase 'showed of 35 increase' is not grammatically correct. It is better to use 'showed an increase of 35'.
RevisedAlso, the number of overseas visitors to the mountains increased from 20 to approximately 35 between 1987 and 2007.
The term 'on the mountains' is not appropriate in this context. It is better to use 'to the mountains'.
Task achievement
Band 5.0/ 9
The essay provides a clear overview of the information presented in the graph and makes some relevant comparisons. However, the essay could be improved by providing more detailed explanations and by making more specific comparisons.
Suggestions
- Provide more detailed explanations and make more specific comparisons.
- Consider the implications of the data and provide some analysis or discussion.
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