Visitors to three areas: IELTS Task 1 answer #23, band 5.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
175 words. Marked by Axiom on 23 March 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
The line graph this answer describes
Show the data
| The coast | The mountains | The lakes | |
|---|---|---|---|
| 1987 | 40 | 20 | 10 |
| 1992 | 35 | 25 | 25 |
| 1997 | 48 | 30 | 40 |
| 2002 | 62 | 31 | 75 |
| 2007 | 75 | 35 | 50 |
Academic Task 1175 words
The graph below shows the number of overseas visitors to three different areas in a European country between 1987 and 2007.
The line graph shows that how many overseas visitors visited into
the different areas of European country friom 1 987 to 2007. Overall
the number of visitors into the coast and the mountains steadily
increased, while the reverse was true for other one
In 1987, a number of tourists to the coast were 40000 but over the
following decade this figure slightly decreased to about 35000
From 1992 onwards, this sector saw a dramatic rise, with the
number of visitors rising well above its 1987 level. When it comes
to the mountain visitors, from 1 987 to 2007 the number of tourists
marginally grew with its peak 35000 visitors in 2007 which was the
lowest figure in the graph
By contrast, in 1987 a number of people who visited to the lakes
were 10000, which was sharply increased over the following four
decades when reached a peak in 2002, however, after that the
figure notably fell down to 50000 visitors in 2007, nevertheless, the
number of visitors of the lake were higher than the mountain's
No passages are highlighted in this essay.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 5.0/ 9
The essay presents information in a logical sequence but lacks clear paragraphing and topic sentences. Some sentences are overly complex and difficult to follow.
Suggestions
- Use clear paragraphing to separate different points.
- Include topic sentences to guide the reader.
- Simplify complex sentences for clarity.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOverall, the number of visitors to the coast and the mountains steadily increased, while the number of visitors to the lakes showed a different trend.
Clarified the sentence structure and corrected the reference to 'other one'.
RevisedIn 1987, the number of tourists to the coast was 40,000, but over the following decade, this figure slightly decreased to about 35,000.
Corrected the sentence structure and punctuation for clarity.
RevisedIn contrast, in 1987, the number of people who visited the lakes was 10,000. This number sharply increased over the following years, reaching a peak in 2002. However, after that, the figure fell to 50,000 visitors in 2007. Nevertheless, the number of visitors to the lakes was higher than that of the mountains.
Broke down the complex sentence into simpler parts for better readability and corrected grammatical errors.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 5.0/ 9
The essay contains several grammatical errors, including incorrect verb forms and punctuation issues. Sentence structures are sometimes awkward.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThe line graph shows the number of overseas visitors to different areas of a European country from 1987 to 2007.
Corrected grammatical errors and awkward phrasing.
RevisedIn 1987, the number of tourists to the coast was 40,000, but over the following decade, this figure slightly decreased to about 35,000.
Corrected verb agreement and punctuation.
RevisedIn contrast, in 1987, the number of people who visited the lakes was 10,000. This number sharply increased over the following years, reaching a peak in 2002. However, after that, the figure fell to 50,000 visitors in 2007. Nevertheless, the number of visitors to the lakes was higher than that of the mountains.
Corrected sentence structure, verb forms, and punctuation errors.
Lexical resource
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay uses a range of vocabulary, but there are some inaccuracies and repetitions. Some words are used incorrectly or awkwardly.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThe line graph shows the number of overseas visitors to different areas of a European country from 1987 to 2007.
Corrected the awkward phrasing and spelling errors.
RevisedOverall, the number of visitors to the coast and the mountains steadily increased, while the opposite was true for the lakes.
Improved the lexical choice for clarity and accuracy.
RevisedIn contrast, in 1987, the number of people who visited the lakes was 10,000. This number sharply increased over the following years, reaching a peak in 2002. However, after that, the figure fell to 50,000 visitors in 2007. Nevertheless, the number of visitors to the lakes was higher than that of the mountains.
Revised for better lexical choice and clarity.
Task achievement
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task and describes the data, but some details are inaccurate or unclear. The overall trends are identified, but specific data points are sometimes misrepresented.
Suggestions
- Ensure all data points are accurately represented.
- Provide more precise descriptions of trends and changes.
- Avoid unnecessary repetition of information.
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