Darwin waterfront, 2009 and 2014: IELTS Task 1 answer #5, band 7.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
218 words. Marked by Axiom on 6 April 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
The map this answer describes
2009
- Two areas are explicitly labelled industrial area.
- Residential buildings are grouped below the lake.
2014
- Neither industrial-area label nor its hatch marks remain.
- A university building, harbour and an additional swimming pool are shown.
- There are more residential-building symbols and trees.
Academic Task 1218 words
The maps below show the changes that have taken place at the waterfront area of a town called Darwin between 2009 and 2014.
The image illustrates the changes that have taken place at the waterfront area of a town, Darwin, in the 15-year period between 2009 and 2014.
Lexical resource
RevisedOverall, it is quickly apparent that the town underwent significant development, with many changes during the period.
The term 'rapidly evident' is not typically used to describe changes over a period of years; 'quickly apparent' is a more appropriate choice in this context.
Furthermore, there was a small industrial area and a garden and a lake with a covered footpath in the convention center. In addition, a school was located at the left corner of the town.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn 2009, the town was depicted with a sea and a fishing area to its right; in contrast, two swimming pools were constructed in front of the sea.
This revision provides a clearer and more cohesive sentence structure, improving the flow of information.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedDespite the industrial spot present, a big industrial zone was developed under the convention center, with three residential buildings also constructed between this zone and the convention center.
The revised sentence is more coherent and logically structured, making it easier to understand the changes described.
Let’s begin with significant changes; the big industrial area changed to a garden, while three new residential buildings were constructed in front of the old buildings.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn stark contrast, after 15 years, despite numerous changes in town development, some areas remained unchanged.
The revision provides a smoother and more coherent opening to the paragraph, setting the stage for the detailed comparison that follows.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedMoreover, a new harbor was built on the sea, along with a new footpath that crosses the new garden.
The preposition 'in' is incorrect in this context; 'on' is the correct preposition to use when referring to the sea.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedAdditionally, a new university building was located in the left corner of the convention center.
The use of the preposition 'at' is slightly informal for this type of writing; 'in' is a more appropriate choice.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and uses a range of cohesive devices appropriately. However, there are a few areas where the use of these devices could be improved for better flow and clarity.
Suggestions
- Consider using more varied linking words to connect your ideas and make the progression of information smoother.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to this topic.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedIn 2009, the town was depicted with a sea and a fishing area to its right; in contrast, two swimming pools were constructed in front of the sea.
This revision provides a clearer and more cohesive sentence structure, improving the flow of information.
RevisedDespite the industrial spot present, a big industrial zone was developed under the convention center, with three residential buildings also constructed between this zone and the convention center.
The revised sentence is more coherent and logically structured, making it easier to understand the changes described.
RevisedIn stark contrast, after 15 years, despite numerous changes in town development, some areas remained unchanged.
The revision provides a smoother and more coherent opening to the paragraph, setting the stage for the detailed comparison that follows.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures and is generally accurate in their use. However, there are a few minor errors that could be addressed to improve the overall quality of the writing.
Sentence revisions 2
RevisedMoreover, a new harbor was built on the sea, along with a new footpath that crosses the new garden.
The preposition 'in' is incorrect in this context; 'on' is the correct preposition to use when referring to the sea.
RevisedAdditionally, a new university building was located in the left corner of the convention center.
The use of the preposition 'at' is slightly informal for this type of writing; 'in' is a more appropriate choice.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary and uses some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be refined for greater clarity and precision.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOverall, it is quickly apparent that the town underwent significant development, with many changes during the period.
The term 'rapidly evident' is not typically used to describe changes over a period of years; 'quickly apparent' is a more appropriate choice in this context.
RevisedDespite the industrial sector being present, there was a large industrial zone under the convention center...
The term 'industrial spot' is too vague and does not convey the intended meaning; 'industrial sector' is a more precise term to use in this context.
Revised...a new university building was located in the left corner of the convention center.
The preposition 'at' is too informal for this type of academic writing; 'located in' is a more appropriate choice.
Task achievement
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay provides a detailed and accurate description of the changes shown in the maps. The writer addresses all parts of the task and presents the information in a clear and logical manner. However, the writer could improve the quality of the writing by addressing the minor errors identified and refining the choice of vocabulary and grammatical structures.
Suggestions
- Consider providing a more detailed comparison of the before and after scenarios to enhance the depth of the analysis.
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