Darwin waterfront, 2009 and 2014: IELTS Task 1 answer #2, band 7.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
179 words. Marked by Axiom on 10 February 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
The map this answer describes
2009
- Two areas are explicitly labelled industrial area.
- Residential buildings are grouped below the lake.
2014
- Neither industrial-area label nor its hatch marks remain.
- A university building, harbour and an additional swimming pool are shown.
- There are more residential-building symbols and trees.
Academic Task 1179 words
The map below shows the changes that have taken place at the waterfront area of a town called Darwin between 2009 and 2014.
The maps depict the changes of coastline named Darwin from 2009 to 2014.
Lexical resource
RevisedOverall, while becoming less industrial, the area became more landscaped and residential, giving it a more sophisticated look.
Avoids repetition and uses more precise vocabulary.
Lexical resource
RevisedThe introduction of new trees enhanced the town’s greenery.
Uses a more precise verb to describe the change.
Nonetheless, the area was replaced with trees, improving the air quality and residents’ health.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn 2009, the area was predominantly industrial, occupying a large space.
Clarifies the sentence and improves flow.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedAdditionally, a long footpath was introduced, linking the newly constructed harbor to the road.
Improves transition and sentence clarity.
Specifically, the number of residences doubled from three to six, indicating a considerable increase in population. In addition, as population saw a noticeable growth there was a new university building near the residential area, providing more academic opportunities to the young people in the developed site. The convention center, school, fishing area and lake remained unchanged, along with two swimming pools
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedOther significant changes between 2009 and 2014 involved the town's facilities.
Simplifies the sentence and enhances coherence.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedOne last change worth mentioning is that the industrial area in the center of the footpath was transformed into a swimming pool.
Corrects preposition use and sentence structure.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay is generally well-organized with a clear progression of ideas. However, some transitions between sentences could be smoother.
Suggestions
- Use linking words to improve flow.
- Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea.
- Use more varied sentence structures to connect ideas.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedIn 2009, the area was predominantly industrial, occupying a large space.
Clarifies the sentence and improves flow.
RevisedAdditionally, a long footpath was introduced, linking the newly constructed harbor to the road.
Improves transition and sentence clarity.
RevisedOther significant changes between 2009 and 2014 involved the town's facilities.
Simplifies the sentence and enhances coherence.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a variety of grammatical structures, but there are some areas where accuracy could be improved.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOther major changes that occurred between 2009 and 2014 relate to the facilities the town offers.
Corrects subject-verb agreement.
RevisedThe convention center, school, fishing area, and lake remained unchanged, along with two swimming pools.
Adds a comma for correct punctuation in a list.
RevisedOne last change worth mentioning is that the industrial area in the center of the footpath was transformed into a swimming pool.
Corrects preposition use and sentence structure.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
A good range of vocabulary is used, but some words are repetitive or could be more precise.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOverall, while becoming less industrial, the area became more landscaped and residential, giving it a more sophisticated look.
Avoids repetition and uses more precise vocabulary.
RevisedThe introduction of new trees enhanced the town’s greenery.
Uses a more precise verb to describe the change.
RevisedMoreover, with the noticeable growth in population, a new university building was established near the residential area.
Improves word choice and sentence structure.
Task achievement
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay effectively addresses the task, describing the changes with relevant details.
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