Darwin waterfront, 2009 and 2014: IELTS Task 1 answer #18, band 6.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
311 words. Marked by Axiom on 6 August 2026. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
The map this answer describes
2009
- Two areas are explicitly labelled industrial area.
- Residential buildings are grouped below the lake.
2014
- Neither industrial-area label nor its hatch marks remain.
- A university building, harbour and an additional swimming pool are shown.
- There are more residential-building symbols and trees.
Academic Task 1311 words
The maps below show the changes that have taken place at the waterfront of a town called darwin between 2009 and 2014
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedThe maps illustrate the changes that took place in the waterfront area of Darwin town between 2009 and 2014.
Using 'took place' instead of 'were made to' is more natural in this context.
Overall, the town has experienced minor changes, the map became more residential with extra building, and greenlands has become more. And the harbour is added with the new footpath that runs from left to right as well as university and a new small lake, while the school and two huge swimming pools have kept unchanged.
In 2009, the half of the map was focused for the manufacturing and industry where positioned below the map, with the huge sea near the indurtrial area. Additionally, the amount of townpopulation was not large, there were less number of the residential places, while there were two huge swimming pools that situated opposite the circle like place.
Lexical resource
RevisedThe circular area included a small park for enjoyment, a lake for the beauty, and some green spaces.
The revised sentence uses more natural phrasing and the collocation of 'circular area' and 'green spaces' is more appropriate in this context.
Lexical resource
RevisedThe industrial zone was near the medical centre, with the hospital on the left side of the map, and the conversation centre and fishing area located above the map.
The revised sentence uses more natural phrasing and the collocation of 'medical centre' is more appropriate in this context.
In 2014, the map become more modern and greenland area with the ;arge amount of planted trees that came to the cost of the huge industrial area. The new harbour was constructed to provide access by water as well as a long footpath that crosses the green space. The industrial area that was located at the top of the map was demolished to make way for a new swimming pool. The school, lake, and conversation center have remained unchanged, while the two swimming pools and fishing area was the unchanged.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedThe town has further developed into a more residential area with additional study facilities, providing access for more students.
The revised sentence is more concise and the changes improve the flow and clarity of the information.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedA new university and several additional buildings were constructed in close proximity to each other.
The revised sentence is more concise and the use of 'in close proximity' is a more effective cohesive device in this context.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and presents a clear overview of the changes. However, there are some areas where the flow of information could be improved. The use of cohesive devices is generally good, but there are a few instances where they could be used more effectively to guide the reader through the text. Additionally, some of the transitions between sentences and paragraphs are a bit abrupt, which can make the text feel disjointed in places.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to make the relationships between ideas more explicit.
- Ensure that transitions between sentences and paragraphs are smooth and logical.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThe maps illustrate the changes that took place in the waterfront area of Darwin town between 2009 and 2014.
Using 'took place' instead of 'were made to' is more natural in this context.
RevisedThe town has further developed into a more residential area with additional study facilities, providing access for more students.
The revised sentence is more concise and the changes improve the flow and clarity of the information.
RevisedA new university and several additional buildings were constructed in close proximity to each other.
The revised sentence is more concise and the use of 'in close proximity' is a more effective cohesive device in this context.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures and there is some evidence of complex sentence formation. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions, which can detract from the overall clarity of the text. Additionally, some of the more complex grammatical structures are not used accurately, which can also affect the readability of the essay.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThe maps illustrate the changes that took place in the waterfront area of Darwin town between 2009 and 2014.
The use of 'took place' is more appropriate for indicating a change that happened in the past.
RevisedThe town has further developed into a more residential area with additional study facilities, providing access for more students.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical error and is more concise and clear.
RevisedA new university and several additional buildings were constructed in close proximity to each other.
The revised sentence corrects the spelling error and is more concise and clear.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary and there is some evidence of collocation. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice, which can detract from the overall clarity of the text. Additionally, some of the more complex vocabulary is not used accurately, which can also affect the readability of the essay.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThe harbour now includes a new footpath that runs from left to right, as well as a university and a new small lake.
The revised sentence uses more natural phrasing and the collocation of 'includes' is more appropriate in this context.
RevisedThe circular area included a small park for enjoyment, a lake for the beauty, and some green spaces.
The revised sentence uses more natural phrasing and the collocation of 'circular area' and 'green spaces' is more appropriate in this context.
RevisedThe industrial zone was near the medical centre, with the hospital on the left side of the map, and the conversation centre and fishing area located above the map.
The revised sentence uses more natural phrasing and the collocation of 'medical centre' is more appropriate in this context.
Task achievement
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay provides a detailed description of the changes shown on the maps. The writer addresses all of the key features and provides a clear overview of the information. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific details and examples to support the main points. Additionally, the conclusion could be more comprehensive.
Suggestions
- Provide more specific details and examples to support the main points.
- Consider adding a comprehensive conclusion that summarizes the main changes.
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