Darwin waterfront, 2009 and 2014: IELTS Task 1 answer #11, band 6.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
151 words. Marked by Axiom on 7 April 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
The map this answer describes
2009
- Two areas are explicitly labelled industrial area.
- Residential buildings are grouped below the lake.
2014
- Neither industrial-area label nor its hatch marks remain.
- A university building, harbour and an additional swimming pool are shown.
- There are more residential-building symbols and trees.
Academic Task 1151 words
The map below shows the changes that have taken place at the waterfront area of a town calles Darwin between 2009 and 2014
The diagrams illustrate the changes to the design that took place between 2009 and 2014.
Overall, it is clear from the maps that Darvin has gone through some major changes, becoming much more attractive with far more 2009 and 2014 over the period given.
Actually, down the residential area in 2009.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedUpon closer inspection of the diagrams, it can be observed that three residential buildings were added near the swimming pool.
The original sentence is not a complete thought. It's important to use the past tense since the changes took place in the past.
Lexical resource
RevisedAlso, there were two industrial areas.
The correct form is 'there were' since the subject is plural.
Lexical resource
RevisedOne of the industrial areas was located below the convention center.
The correct form is 'industrial areas' and the past tense should be used since the changes took place in the past.
Lexical resource
RevisedAnother one was located on the left side of the sea.
The correct form is 'on the left side of the sea' and the past tense should be used since the changes took place in the past.
As well as the changes mentioned turning to the other changes, it is noticeable that in 2014 one swimming pool, university building and Harbour were built.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedIn addition, more trees were planted on the industrial area buildings than in the town in 2009.
The sentence is grammatically incorrect and confusing. It would be more clear to separate the ideas into two sentences.
All the other structures within the city Darwin remained unchanged the same during the period shown.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and there is a clear progression of ideas. However, some of the sentences are a bit confusing and could be more clearly connected to the main idea.
Suggestions
- Try to use a wider range of cohesive devices to more clearly connect your ideas.
- Make sure that each sentence clearly relates to the main idea of the paragraph.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThe diagrams illustrate the changes that took place in the waterfront area of a town called Darwin between 2009 and 2014.
It's important to be clear and specific in the introduction. The name of the town and the location of the waterfront area should be included in the introduction.
RevisedOverall, it is evident from the maps that Darwin underwent significant transformations between 2009 and 2014, making the area more aesthetically pleasing and functional.
The sentence should be more specific and concise. The word 'attractive' should be replaced with 'aesthetically pleasing' and 'far more' should be specified with what it is far more of.
RevisedUpon closer inspection of the diagrams, it can be observed that three residential buildings were added near the swimming pool.
The original sentence is not a complete thought. It's important to use the past tense since the changes took place in the past.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there is some evidence of a good range of grammatical structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors that need to be addressed.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThe diagrams illustrate the changes to the design that took place between 2009 and 2014.
The dollar sign at the beginning is not necessary.
RevisedOverall, it is clear from the maps that Darwin underwent significant changes between 2009 and 2014, becoming much more attractive than it was in 2009.
The use of 'with far more' is incorrect and confusing. It would be more clear to use 'than it was in 2009'.
RevisedIn addition, more trees were planted on the industrial area buildings than in the town in 2009.
The sentence is grammatically incorrect and confusing. It would be more clear to separate the ideas into two sentences.
Lexical resource
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is some evidence of a good vocabulary. However, there are a few awkward or incorrect word choices.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedAlso, there were two industrial areas.
The correct form is 'there were' since the subject is plural.
RevisedOne of the industrial areas was located below the convention center.
The correct form is 'industrial areas' and the past tense should be used since the changes took place in the past.
RevisedAnother one was located on the left side of the sea.
The correct form is 'on the left side of the sea' and the past tense should be used since the changes took place in the past.
Task achievement
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay addresses all parts of the task and presents a clear overview of the information. However, the essay could be more specific and provide more detailed information.
Suggestions
- Try to provide more specific details and data to support your main points.
- Make sure to fully explain the significance of the changes mentioned.
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