Darwin waterfront, 2009 and 2014: IELTS Task 1 answer #1, band 6.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
181 words. Marked by Axiom on 10 February 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
The map this answer describes
2009
- Two areas are explicitly labelled industrial area.
- Residential buildings are grouped below the lake.
2014
- Neither industrial-area label nor its hatch marks remain.
- A university building, harbour and an additional swimming pool are shown.
- There are more residential-building symbols and trees.
Academic Task 1181 words
The map below shows the changes that have taken place at the waterfront area of a town called Darwin between 2009 and 2014.
The maps depict the changes of coastline named Darwin from 2009 to 2014.
Lexical resource
RevisedOverall, the site became less industrial and more landscaped and residential, giving the area a more sophisticated appearance.
The word choice is refined for clarity and precision.
Lexical resource
RevisedThe addition of new trees increased the town’s greenery.
The word 'enhanced' is replaced with 'increased' for more precise meaning.
In 2009, there was an industrial area, occupying a large space. Nonetheless, the area was replaced with trees, improving the air quality and residents’ health. Also, there was a long footpath between the trees, connecting the newly constructed harbor with road.
In addition, as population saw a noticeable growth there was a new university building near the residential area, providing more academic fields to the young people in the developed site. One last change worth mentioning is the industrial area in the center of the footpath was transformed to swimming pool, with the other constructions that were convention center, school, fishing area and lake, two swimming pools remained unchanged.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedOther major changes that occurred between 2009 and 2014 involved the town's facilities.
The sentence structure is improved for clarity and conciseness.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedSpecifically, the number of residences doubled from three to six, indicating a significant increase in population.
The sentence is rephrased for grammatical accuracy and clarity.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay is generally well-organized, but there are some areas where transitions and connections between ideas could be clearer.
Suggestions
- Use linking words to enhance flow.
- Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea.
- Clarify connections between changes.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedIn 2009, there was an industrial area occupying a large space. However, by 2014, this area was replaced with trees, which improved the air quality and residents’ health.
The transition between the sentences is improved by using 'However' to show contrast.
RevisedOther major changes that occurred between 2009 and 2014 involved the town's facilities.
The sentence structure is improved for clarity and conciseness.
RevisedAnother notable change is that the industrial area in the center of the footpath was transformed into a swimming pool.
The sentence is rephrased for clarity and accuracy.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay shows a good range of grammatical structures, but there are some errors and awkward constructions.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedSpecifically, the number of residences doubled from three to six, indicating a significant increase in population.
The sentence is rephrased for grammatical accuracy and clarity.
RevisedThis provided more academic opportunities for young people in the developed area.
The sentence is corrected to form a complete thought.
RevisedThe convention center, school, fishing area, and lake remained unchanged, along with the two swimming pools.
The sentence structure is corrected for clarity and grammatical accuracy.
Lexical resource
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay uses a range of vocabulary, but some word choices could be more precise.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOverall, the site became less industrial and more landscaped and residential, giving the area a more sophisticated appearance.
The word choice is refined for clarity and precision.
RevisedThe addition of new trees increased the town’s greenery.
The word 'enhanced' is replaced with 'increased' for more precise meaning.
RevisedIndicating a significant increase in population.
The word choice 'signaling' is replaced with 'indicating' for better precision.
Task achievement
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task effectively, describing the main changes in the waterfront area.
Suggestions
- Include more specific details from the map.
- Ensure all major changes are covered.
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