Australian exports to four countries: IELTS Task 1 answer #27, band 7.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
191 words. Marked by Axiom on 15 March 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
The line graph this answer describes
Show the data
| Japan | US | China | India | |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1990 | 26 | 11 | 2 | 1 |
| 1995 | 20 | 8 | 3 | 1 |
| 2000 | 18 | 11 | 5 | 1 |
| 2005 | 18 | 8 | 11 | 5 |
| 2010 | 17 | 5 | 25 | 7 |
| 2012 | 17 | 7 | 28 | 5 |
Academic Task 1191 words
The graph below shows the percentage of Australian exports to 4 countries from 1990 to 2012
The line graph depics the proportion of products exported to four various nations from 1990 to 2012.
Looking at the overall perspectives, it was observed that, while percentage of Australian exports to China and India showed an increase, Japan and US witnessed a downward trend.
Starting with bigger figures, with 25 percent, exports received by Japan was dominant, while US had lower figures, approximately 13 percent. Until 2000, the figure for Japan decreased dramatically to 17 percent. After that continued decreasing gradually further 2012. Moreover, in the same period the percentage of Japanese imports underwent a mild fluctuation.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedAfter a dramatic decline in 1995, the exports from Australia to the US recovered to 18 percent within 5 years.
The use of 'and' at the beginning of a sentence is informal and should be avoided in academic writing.
By contrast, China and India stayed unchanged by 2000. Then China sharply went up from 3 percent to 14 percent in 2008. And the same trajectory observed by Indian imports sent by Australia.
Lexical resource
RevisedBy the end of the period (2012), there was a significant growth in the proportion of exports sent to China, reaching 28 percent, making it the largest export destination for Australia.
The phrase 'the largest export destination for Australia' is awkward and could be rephrased for clarity.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedThe reverse was true for Indian imports.
The phrase is not idiomatic and is not clear in the current form. A more accurate way to express this would be 'Indian imports experienced the opposite trend.'
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and presents a clear overview of the data. The use of cohesive devices is effective, and there is a good range of linking words. However, there are a few instances where the flow of information could be improved.
Suggestions
- Try to vary your linking words to avoid repetition and to show a wider range of vocabulary.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to this topic.
Sentence revisions 3
Revised$The line graph depicts the proportion of products exported to four different nations from 1990 to 2012.
The word 'various' is redundant in this context and can be removed to improve the sentence.
RevisedAfter a dramatic decline in 1995, the exports from Australia to the US recovered to 18 percent within 5 years.
The use of 'and' at the beginning of a sentence is informal and should be avoided in academic writing.
RevisedThe reverse was true for Indian imports.
The phrase is not idiomatic and is not clear in the current form. A more accurate way to express this would be 'Indian imports experienced the opposite trend.'
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are very few grammatical errors. However, there are a few instances where the grammar could be improved.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a good range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances where word choice is not optimal.
Sentence revisions 3
Revised$The line graph depicts the proportion of products exported to four different nations from 1990 to 2012.
The word 'various' is slightly informal and could be replaced with 'different' to improve the sentence.
RevisedAfter a dramatic decline in 1995, the exports from Australia to the US rebounded to 18 percent within 5 years.
The word 'recovered' is not the most appropriate choice in this context. 'Rebounded' would be a better fit.
RevisedBy the end of the period (2012), there was a significant growth in the proportion of exports sent to China, reaching 28 percent, making it the largest export destination for Australia.
The phrase 'the largest export destination for Australia' is awkward and could be rephrased for clarity.
Task achievement
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses all parts of the task and presents a clear overview of the main trends, differences or stages. The essay also presents a clear and logical argument. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific details and examples.
Suggestions
- Try to include more specific data and examples to support your main points. This will make your analysis more detailed and convincing.
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