Australian exports to four countries: IELTS Task 1 answer #46, band 7.0

The line graph illustrates the information on the proportion of Australian export to four different regions from 1990 to 2012. Overall, the huge disparity between the initial and the final year could be witnessed, with China registering the highest jump in the provided time frame. It is worth mentioning that India was left with the fewest numbers in the final year, despite the overall increase in figures. The remaining two nations generally exhibited a drop.

Focusing on the increases first- China and India- these were initially among the countries with the smallest percentage points. In 1990, China accounted for about 3% of the overall export, which was slightly higher than that of India. The numbers for these two countries remained nearly stable, if not witnessed a slight increase, till 2000. Five years later, in contrast, both of the regions received significantly higher percentage of export from Australia, with China accounting for about 12% and India for approximately 7%. It was, however, 2010, when China registered the largest 5-year jump in the given period, before reaching its peak in 2012 and constituting about 28% of Australian export. Similar, though less dramatic, growth can be seen in the percentage of Indian export, which after increasing in 2010 for about 2 percentage points, fell to the previous 7% in the final year.

1. Coherence & cohesion

   Close revision note

   RevisedFocusing first on the increases, China and India stood out...

   This revision helps to clarify the sentence structure.

2. Coherence & cohesion

   Close revision note

   RevisedThe figures for these two countries remained relatively stable, with slight increases until 2000.

   The sentence was simplified for better readability.

3. Grammar & accuracy

   Close revision note

   RevisedHowever, in 2010, China registered the largest 5-year jump...

   Positioning of 'however' was optimized.

4. Grammar & accuracy

   Close revision note

   Revised...before peaking in 2012 at around 28% of Australian exports.

   Rephrased for conciseness.

With regard to the remaining countries, their change was also quite noticeable, with both having a downward trend. In 1990, Japan was the leader among all countries with the noticeable gap (26%). However, its consistent drop over 15 years, along with the upward tendency of China helped it to shrink this huge difference, reaching about 18% in the last year. US, on the other hand, was quite inconsistent. The decline in 1995 was followed by the small growth in 2000, when it reached its highest point of about 11%. It then began to curb up until the eventual year, when it accounted for almost the same numbers as India.

1. Lexical resource

   Close revision note

   RevisedHowever, its continuous decline over 15 years...

   Used 'decline' for better semantic fit.

2. Coherence & cohesion

   Close revision note

   RevisedAfter declining in 1995, there was small growth by 2000, reaching about 11%.

   This version improves sentence clarity by reducing complexity.

300+ words

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