Australian exports to four countries: IELTS Task 1 answer #12, band 4.5

A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.

220 words. Marked by Axiom on 26 December 2024. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

The line graph this answer describes

Values in % of Australian exports. Values approximate: read from the original chart, not printed on it.

Show the data

Australian exports to four countries (IELTS Task 1 line graph) (% of Australian exports)
	Japan	US	China	India
1990	26	11	2	1
1995	20	8	3	1
2000	18	11	5	1
2005	18	8	11	5
2010	17	5	25	7
2012	17	7	28	5

Academic Task 1220 words

The graph below shows that the percentage of Austrilian export to 4 countries from 1990 to 2012

The line graph illustrates the proportion of export to four countries namely, Japan, US, China and India from Australia between period of 1990 to 2012.

Lexical resource
Close revision note
RevisedThe line graph illustrates the percentage of exports from Australia to Japan, the US, China, and India from 1990 to 2012.
Adjusted vocabulary for accuracy and conciseness.

Overall, despite the biggest numbers at the start Japan received lower percentages over the years, while the China got the biggest export from the Australia, and the US and Indian’s numbers of export fluctuated in this period.

Coherence & cohesion
Close revision note
RevisedOverall, Japan started with the highest export percentage but decreased over the years, while China saw a significant increase. The US and India's export percentages fluctuated.
Simplified the sentence for clarity and coherence.

In more details, at the beginning of the year Japan had the biggest numbers in terms of export from Australia between this four countries, with the figures of 26, then it continued with the drop over this years and stopped at the number 18 finally. Moreover, the biggest rise was shown by China that started its’ number of 2 that turned to 28 at its pick initially.

Coherence & cohesion
Close revision note
RevisedInitially, Japan had the highest export percentage at 26%, but it gradually declined to 18% by the end of the period.
Clarified the timeline and figures for better understanding.
Lexical resource
Close revision note
RevisedMoreover, China experienced the most significant increase, starting at 2% and rising to 28% at its peak.
Corrected vocabulary and grammar for clarity.

Furthermore about the details, America started at the point 11 and shown a fluctuation over this years, and reached to its pick in the 2000’s and stood at the figure 6 finally, while the one more country that showed the fluctuation was India, that started with the lowest numbers as China but,1 point lower and did not shown the same numbers as that country and shown the fluctuation that stay with the similar numbers in the first 10 years and increased after but, decreased to the number 5 at the end.

Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.

Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.

Coherence & cohesion

Band 5.0/ 9

The essay presents information in a generally coherent manner, but there are issues with sentence structure and logical flow.

Suggestions

Use clearer transitions between ideas.
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea.
Avoid overly complex sentence structures that hinder understanding.

Sentence revisions 3

RevisedOverall, Japan started with the highest export percentage but decreased over the years, while China saw a significant increase. The US and India's export percentages fluctuated.
Simplified the sentence for clarity and coherence.
RevisedInitially, Japan had the highest export percentage at 26%, but it gradually declined to 18% by the end of the period.
Clarified the timeline and figures for better understanding.
RevisedThe US began at 11%, fluctuated over the years, peaked in the 2000s, and ended at 6%. India started at 1%, fluctuated similarly to China but remained lower, ending at 5%.
Improved sentence structure and clarity.

Grammar & accuracy

Band 4.0/ 9

There are frequent grammatical errors that affect the clarity of the essay.

Sentence revisions 3

RevisedThe line graph illustrates the proportion of exports from Australia to Japan, the US, China, and India between 1990 and 2012.
Corrected preposition and article usage.
RevisedOverall, Japan started with the highest export percentage but decreased over the years, while China received the largest exports. The US and India's export percentages fluctuated.
Corrected article usage and sentence structure.
RevisedInitially, Japan had the highest export percentage at 26%, but it gradually declined to 18% by the end of the period.
Simplified and corrected grammatical errors.

Lexical resource

Band 5.0/ 9

The vocabulary range is limited, with some inappropriate word choices and repetitive language.

Sentence revisions 3

RevisedThe line graph illustrates the percentage of exports from Australia to Japan, the US, China, and India from 1990 to 2012.
Adjusted vocabulary for accuracy and conciseness.
RevisedMoreover, China experienced the most significant increase, starting at 2% and rising to 28% at its peak.
Corrected vocabulary and grammar for clarity.
RevisedFurthermore, the US started at 11%, fluctuated over the years, peaked in the 2000s, and finally stood at 6%.
Improved word choice and sentence structure.

Task achievement

Band 5.0/ 9

The essay attempts to describe the main trends but lacks clarity and precision in presenting the data.

Suggestions

Ensure all key trends are clearly explained.
Use accurate data representation.
Avoid unnecessary complexity in descriptions.

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