Australian exports to four countries: IELTS Task 1 answer #11, band 8.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
191 words. Marked by Axiom on 24 December 2024. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
The line graph this answer describes
Show the data
| Japan | US | China | India | |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1990 | 26 | 11 | 2 | 1 |
| 1995 | 20 | 8 | 3 | 1 |
| 2000 | 18 | 11 | 5 | 1 |
| 2005 | 18 | 8 | 11 | 5 |
| 2010 | 17 | 5 | 25 | 7 |
| 2012 | 17 | 7 | 28 | 5 |
Academic Task 1191 words
The line graph below shows the percentages of Australian exports to four countries from 1990 to 2012.
The line graph illustrates the export shares of Australia to four countries, namely Japan, the USA, China and India for a period of 22 years.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedOverall, Australia exported more to the first two countries in comparison to China and India; however, these rates declined consistently over the 22-year period.
The sentence is a bit ambiguous. It's not clear whether the rates of export to the first two countries declined consistently or just at one point. By adding 'over the 22-year period', it becomes clear that the decline was consistent.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedUltimately, this put China in the lead towards the end of the period.
The use of 'ultimately' can be a bit repetitive if used in consecutive sentences. It's good to vary the placement of such words.
Starting with an impressive 25%, the share of Australian exports to Japan dwindled to about 16% in 2000, followed by a period of fluctuation: after a sudden rise to 20%, this figure dropped back to the previous indication and remained unchanged.
Lexical resource
RevisedA similar falling pattern in the proportion of Australian exports was observed by the USA, whose export rates nearly halved, dropping from just over 10% in 1990 to around 5% in 2012.
The term 'input rates' is not typically used in this context. 'Export rates' is more appropriate.
Conversely, during the majority of the period, Chinese and Indian rates were significantly lower by comparison, with their figures barely standing from around 3% and 2%, respectively.
Lexical resource
RevisedThis narrow disparity, however, became noticeably wider over time with China’s swift surpassing of Japan, reaching a peak import rate of about 27%.
The term 'widened noticeably' is more appropriate than 'widened noticeably'. Also, 'peak import rate' is more precise than 'period-high import rate'.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedMeanwhile, export rates rose by roughly 4% per year until 2012.
The use of 'until' suggests a complete end to the export rate rise, which may not be the intended meaning. By saying 'per year', it suggests that the export rates rose on an annual basis until 2012'.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and presents a clear overview. The use of cohesive devices is effective, and there is a good balance of paragraphing.
Suggestions
- Consider using a wider range of linking words or phrases to show more variety.
Sentence revisions 1
RevisedUltimately, this put China in the lead towards the end of the period.
The use of 'ultimately' can be a bit repetitive if used in consecutive sentences. It's good to vary the placement of such words.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay uses a wide range of structures. The majority of sentences are error-free, and punctuation is well managed.
Sentence revisions 2
RevisedOverall, Australia exported more to the first two countries in comparison to China and India; however, these rates declined consistently over the 22-year period.
The sentence is a bit ambiguous. It's not clear whether the rates of export to the first two countries declined consistently or just at one point. By adding 'over the 22-year period', it becomes clear that the decline was consistent.
RevisedMeanwhile, export rates rose by roughly 4% per year until 2012.
The use of 'until' suggests a complete end to the export rate rise, which may not be the intended meaning. By saying 'per year', it suggests that the export rates rose on an annual basis until 2012'.
Lexical resource
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic usage. The vocabulary is used appropriately and accurately.
Sentence revisions 2
RevisedA similar falling pattern in the proportion of Australian exports was observed by the USA, whose export rates nearly halved, dropping from just over 10% in 1990 to around 5% in 2012.
The term 'input rates' is not typically used in this context. 'Export rates' is more appropriate.
RevisedThis narrow disparity, however, became noticeably wider over time with China’s swift surpassing of Japan, reaching a peak import rate of about 27%.
The term 'widened noticeably' is more appropriate than 'widened noticeably'. Also, 'peak import rate' is more precise than 'period-high import rate'.
Task achievement
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay addresses all parts of the task and presents a clear overview of the main trends, differences or stages. The information is accurately selected and accurately described.
Suggestions
- Make sure to accurately interpret the data and provide clear and detailed analysis.
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