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Australian exports to four countries: IELTS Task 1 answer #10, band 5.5

A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.

222 words. Marked by Axiom on 24 December 2024. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

The line graph this answer describes

Australian exports to four countries (IELTS Task 1 line graph)Japan, US, China, India for 1990, 1995, 2000, 2005, 2010, 2012, in % of Australian exports. Values are approximate, read from the original chart.0102030199019952000200520102012
Australian exports to four countries (IELTS Task 1 line graph)Japan, US, China, India for 1990, 1995, 2000, 2005, 2010, 2012, in % of Australian exports. Values are approximate, read from the original chart.0102030199020002010
Values in % of Australian exports. Values approximate: read from the original chart, not printed on it.
Show the data
Australian exports to four countries (IELTS Task 1 line graph) (% of Australian exports)
JapanUSChinaIndia
1990261121
199520831
2000181151
2005188115
2010175257
2012177285

Academic Task 1222 words

The graph below shows the percentage of Australian exports to four countries from 1990 to 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The line graph illustrates the proportion of the exports from Australia to other 4 countries between the years of 1990 and 2012. In contrast , With ,

  1. Coherence & cohesion

    RevisedOverall, despite starting with a significant lead, the rate of exports to Japan decreased over time.

    Improved clarity and flow by rephrasing the sentence.

  2. Lexical resource

    Revisedconsistent growth

    Corrected word choice for accuracy.

  3. Grammar & accuracy

    Revisedthe figure for China overtook all the given countries.

    Corrected capitalization and punctuation errors.

In 1990 around 2% of Australian exports belonged to India , followed by to 5% over a period of 15 years. The figure then fluctuated between 5% to almost 10% before returning to its former point of 5%. Similarly, the figure for China started at a negligible level . Until 2000, the figure mirrored India's path, but in the next 12 years, it increased dramatically, reaching a peak of 26%.

  1. Coherence & cohesion

    RevisedInitially, exports to India were relatively low compared to other destinations.

    Rephrased for smoother transition and clarity.

  2. Lexical resource

    Revisedgradual increase

    'Gradual increase' is a more accurate description.

Starting from Japan ,which had the highest rate at the beginning. The exports to Japan made up 25% in 1990 , which by the time was by far the highest figure. It remained unchanged with significant fluctuations till 2000. In the following 12 years ,the figure dropped to almost 5% making it nearly the lowest figure.

  1. Coherence & cohesion

    RevisedAs for countries that saw a decline over time,

    Connected the sentence to the following information for coherence.

  2. Grammar & accuracy

    RevisedThe figure experienced a steady decline, with some fluctuations in the last decade, dropping to almost 17%.

    Improved grammatical structure and word choice.

  3. Grammar & accuracy

    RevisedRelatively, the US started with 12%.

    Corrected spelling and added article for clarity.

Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.

Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.

Coherence & cohesion

Band 6.0/ 9

The essay presents information in a generally logical order, but some sentences could be better connected for improved flow.

Suggestions

  • Use more linking words to connect ideas smoothly.
  • Ensure each paragraph has a clear focus.
  • Avoid abrupt transitions between points.

Sentence revisions 3

  • RevisedOverall, despite starting with a significant lead, the rate of exports to Japan decreased over time.

    Improved clarity and flow by rephrasing the sentence.

  • RevisedInitially, exports to India were relatively low compared to other destinations.

    Rephrased for smoother transition and clarity.

  • RevisedAs for countries that saw a decline over time,

    Connected the sentence to the following information for coherence.

Grammar & accuracy

Band 5.0/ 9

There are noticeable grammatical errors that affect clarity.

Sentence revisions 3

  • Revisedthe figure for China overtook all the given countries.

    Corrected capitalization and punctuation errors.

  • RevisedRelatively, the US started with 12%.

    Corrected spelling and added article for clarity.

  • RevisedThe figure experienced a steady decline, with some fluctuations in the last decade, dropping to almost 17%.

    Improved grammatical structure and word choice.

Lexical resource

Band 6.0/ 9

The vocabulary is adequate but could be more varied and precise.

Sentence revisions 3

  • Revisedsignificant difference

    'Significant' is a more precise term in this context.

  • Revisedgradual increase

    'Gradual increase' is a more accurate description.

  • Revisedconsistent growth

    Corrected word choice for accuracy.

Task achievement

Band 6.0/ 9

The essay addresses the task but lacks some detailed comparisons and clarity in data presentation.

Suggestions

  • Include more specific data points to support comparisons.
  • Ensure all key trends are clearly highlighted.
  • Provide a more detailed overview of each country's trend.

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