Australian exports to four countries: IELTS Task 1 answer #9, band 6.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
266 words. Marked by Axiom on 28 November 2024. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
The line graph this answer describes
Show the data
| Japan | US | China | India | |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1990 | 26 | 11 | 2 | 1 |
| 1995 | 20 | 8 | 3 | 1 |
| 2000 | 18 | 11 | 5 | 1 |
| 2005 | 18 | 8 | 11 | 5 |
| 2010 | 17 | 5 | 25 | 7 |
| 2012 | 17 | 7 | 28 | 5 |
Academic Task 1266 words
The graph below shows the percentage of Australian exports to four countries from 1990 to 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make the comparision
Lexical resource
RevisedThe line graph illustrates the percentage of Australian exports to the US, Japan, China, and India from 1990 to 2012.
'Illustrates' is a more precise verb for describing graphs.
Overall, exports to Japan and the USA showed similar downward trajectories with substantial decreases from their peak over the period, while the reverse was true for exports to India and China.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedAt the end of the period, China had the largest export percentage among the four countries.
The sentence is made more direct and less conversational.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedAt the start of the period, Japan and the US had the highest export percentages.
The sentence is simplified for clarity.
Lexical resource
RevisedIn 1990, exports to Japan accounted for nearly 25%, while those to the US were about 11%.
The sentence is rephrased for clarity and precision.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedIn 1995, Japan's exports slightly increased, reaching a peak before dropping to about 20%, while the US exports decreased to nearly 7%.
The sentence is corrected for grammatical accuracy and clarity.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedAfter five years, the gap narrowed as Japan's exports fell to around 17% and the US's to nearly 11%.
The sentence is rephrased for grammatical accuracy and clarity.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedJapan's exports fluctuated slightly but ended around 17%, while US exports declined to about 6% by 2012.
The sentence is rephrased for clarity and conciseness.
On the other hand, China and India started as the lowest figures. The figure for
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedChina's exports started at about 3% and increased gradually, reaching 12% in 2005, before peaking at 28% by the end of the period, surpassing other countries.
The sentence is restructured for clarity and grammatical accuracy.
Lexical resource
RevisedIndia's exports rose steadily to about 8% before declining, ending at the same level as the US in 2012.
The sentence is restructured for clarity and flow.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay generally follows a logical structure, but there are some inconsistencies and unclear comparisons.
Suggestions
- Clarify the comparison between countries.
- Ensure consistent use of data.
- Improve paragraph transitions.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedAt the end of the period, China had the largest export percentage among the four countries.
The sentence is made more direct and less conversational.
RevisedAt the start of the period, Japan and the US had the highest export percentages.
The sentence is simplified for clarity.
RevisedJapan's exports fluctuated slightly but ended around 17%, while US exports declined to about 6% by 2012.
The sentence is rephrased for clarity and conciseness.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures with some errors.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedIn 1995, Japan's exports slightly increased, reaching a peak before dropping to about 20%, while the US exports decreased to nearly 7%.
The sentence is corrected for grammatical accuracy and clarity.
RevisedAfter five years, the gap narrowed as Japan's exports fell to around 17% and the US's to nearly 11%.
The sentence is rephrased for grammatical accuracy and clarity.
RevisedChina's exports started at about 3% and increased gradually, reaching 12% in 2005, before peaking at 28% by the end of the period, surpassing other countries.
The sentence is restructured for clarity and grammatical accuracy.
Lexical resource
Band 6.0/ 9
The vocabulary is adequate but lacks variety and precision.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThe line graph illustrates the percentage of Australian exports to the US, Japan, China, and India from 1990 to 2012.
'Illustrates' is a more precise verb for describing graphs.
RevisedIn 1990, exports to Japan accounted for nearly 25%, while those to the US were about 11%.
The sentence is rephrased for clarity and precision.
RevisedIndia's exports rose steadily to about 8% before declining, ending at the same level as the US in 2012.
The sentence is restructured for clarity and flow.
Task achievement
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task and includes relevant data, but some comparisons are unclear or inaccurate.
Suggestions
- Ensure all data is accurately represented.
- Clarify comparisons between countries.
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