Australian exports to four countries: IELTS Task 1 answer #8, band 6.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
155 words. Marked by Axiom on 21 November 2024. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
The line graph this answer describes
Show the data
| Japan | US | China | India | |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1990 | 26 | 11 | 2 | 1 |
| 1995 | 20 | 8 | 3 | 1 |
| 2000 | 18 | 11 | 5 | 1 |
| 2005 | 18 | 8 | 11 | 5 |
| 2010 | 17 | 5 | 25 | 7 |
| 2012 | 17 | 7 | 28 | 5 |
Academic Task 1155 words
The graph below shows that the percentage of Australian export to 4 countries from 1990 to 2012
The graph compares the percentage of Australia in term of the amount of export to four states between 1990 and 2012.
Overall, it is clear that there was an increase in exports to China, making it dominant during this period, while the figure for Japan was slightly decreased.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedTo begin with, it can be clearly seen that throughout the period, the largest amount of exports to China started with 3% in 1990, saw a slight increase until 2012, and ended at 38%.
The revised sentence is grammatically accurate and more natural sounding.
Lexical resource
RevisedMeanwhile, India, which started with 2 percent export in 1990, saw a significant rise, reaching 6% by 2012.
The revised sentence uses more precise and varied language, improving the accuracy and naturalness of the response.
The Us has experienced number of increase and decrease from 1990 to 2012, finally the figure ended with approximately 7%.
Lexical resource
RevisedUpon analyzing the graph, it can be seen that Japan started exporting to other countries with 28% in 1990, and this figure dropped significantly to about 18% by 2012.
The revised sentence is more natural and accurate, and it uses a more varied and precise range of vocabulary.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and presents a clear overview. However, there are some issues with the flow of information and the use of cohesive devices.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow of information.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to this topic.
Sentence revisions 2
RevisedThe graph compares the percentage of Australian exports to four countries between 1990 and 2012.
The original sentence is unclear. It seems to suggest that the graph compares the percentage of exports to different countries, but it is actually comparing the percentage of exports to each country over time. The revision clarifies this and corrects the terminology.
RevisedThe US experienced several increases and decreases from 1990 to 2012, before ending up with approximately 7% in 2012.
The revised sentence provides a clearer and more accurate description of the data.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, and the majority of sentences are free from grammatical errors. However, there are a few errors and some sentences could be structured more effectively.
Sentence revisions 2
RevisedThe graph compares the percentage of Australian exports to four countries in terms of the amount of exportation between 1990 and 2012.
The original sentence is grammatically incorrect. The revision provides a grammatically accurate and more natural sounding sentence.
RevisedTo begin with, it can be clearly seen that throughout the period, the largest amount of exports to China started with 3% in 1990, saw a slight increase until 2012, and ended at 38%.
The revised sentence is grammatically accurate and more natural sounding.
Lexical resource
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay uses a range of vocabulary and there is some evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few inaccuracies and some of the language is a bit repetitive.
Sentence revisions 2
RevisedMeanwhile, India, which started with 2 percent export in 1990, saw a significant rise, reaching 6% by 2012.
The revised sentence uses more precise and varied language, improving the accuracy and naturalness of the response.
RevisedUpon analyzing the graph, it can be seen that Japan started exporting to other countries with 28% in 1990, and this figure dropped significantly to about 18% by 2012.
The revised sentence is more natural and accurate, and it uses a more varied and precise range of vocabulary.
Task achievement
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay provides a clear overview of the information presented in the graph, and it makes some relevant comparisons. However, the essay could be improved by providing more detailed analysis and by making more specific comparisons.
Suggestions
- Provide a more detailed analysis of the data, including trends, comparisons, and potential reasons for the patterns observed.
- Make more specific comparisons between the data points to provide a deeper analysis.
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