Australian exports to four countries: IELTS Task 1 answer #16, band 6.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
232 words. Marked by Axiom on 28 January 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
The line graph this answer describes
Show the data
| Japan | US | China | India | |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1990 | 26 | 11 | 2 | 1 |
| 1995 | 20 | 8 | 3 | 1 |
| 2000 | 18 | 11 | 5 | 1 |
| 2005 | 18 | 8 | 11 | 5 |
| 2010 | 17 | 5 | 25 | 7 |
| 2012 | 17 | 7 | 28 | 5 |
Academic Task 1232 words
The graph below shows the percentage of Australian exports to four countries from 1990 to 2012.
The line graph illustrates the percentage of Australian exports to Japan, the US, China, and India from 1990 to 2012. Overall, while the percentage of exports to China and India increased, the opposite trend was observed for Japan and the US over the period shown. It is also worth noting that Japan had the highest percentage of exports, whereas India accounted for the lowest percentage at the beginning of the period.
China and India exhibited consistently increase among figures. By 2010, India showed an increase (over 8%), followed by a decrease to 5% by 2012.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedDespite the fact that Australia exported the least to China and India in 1990, exports to these countries increased by 2012.
The original sentence is grammatically incorrect. The revised sentence uses a more appropriate structure to convey the idea that exports to China and India increased by 2012.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedThere was a slight increase in exports to China and India up to 2005.
The passive voice is not necessary here and can make the sentence less clear. Using the active voice makes the subject of the sentence more clear and the sentence more concise.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedAlso by 2010, China saw a sharp increase (15%), reaching a peak of 28) over the two years.
The revised sentence is more concise and uses a more appropriate verb to describe the increase.
Japan accounted 25% in 1990, which slightly fell down to 15% in 2000, marking the all-time lowest point between 2000 and 2005. By 2010 it had increased slightly (20%) surprisingly, but by 2012 it again had dropped to 18%.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedThe US made up over 12% of imports in 1990, making it the second largest importer at that time.
The original sentence is grammatically incorrect and unclear. The revised sentence uses a more appropriate structure and clarifies the meaning.
Lexical resource
RevisedThere was a slight drop in 1995 (to 7%), but by 2000 it had returned to its previous level; however, by 2012 it had fallen to 6%.
The revised sentence is more clear and uses a more appropriate term to describe the data.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and presents a clear overview. However, there are some issues with the flow of information and the use of cohesive devices.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow of information.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to this topic.
Sentence revisions 2
RevisedThere was a slight increase in exports to China and India up to 2005.
The passive voice is not necessary here and can make the sentence less clear. Using the active voice makes the subject of the sentence more clear and the sentence more concise.
RevisedAlso by 2010, China saw a sharp increase (15%), reaching a peak of 28) over the two years.
The revised sentence is more concise and uses a more appropriate verb to describe the increase.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, and the majority of sentences are error-free. However, there are a few grammatical errors that affect the clarity of the writing.
Sentence revisions 2
RevisedDespite the fact that Australia exported the least to China and India in 1990, exports to these countries increased by 2012.
The original sentence is grammatically incorrect. The revised sentence uses a more appropriate structure to convey the idea that exports to China and India increased by 2012.
RevisedThe US made up over 12% of imports in 1990, making it the second largest importer at that time.
The original sentence is grammatically incorrect and unclear. The revised sentence uses a more appropriate structure and clarifies the meaning.
Lexical resource
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay uses a range of vocabulary and there is some evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.
Sentence revisions 2
RevisedThere was a slight drop in 1995 (to 7%), but by 2000 it had returned to its previous level; however, by 2012 it had fallen to 6%.
The revised sentence is more clear and uses a more appropriate term to describe the data.
RevisedJapan made up 25% of exports in Japan in 1990.
The term 'made up' is more appropriate in this context as it conveys the idea that Japan contributed to the total exports. 'Accounted' is more commonly used in the context of accounting figures, such as financial data, and may not be the best choice for this context.
Task achievement
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay provides a detailed and accurate description of the data, making appropriate comparisons where necessary. However, the essay could be improved by providing a more detailed analysis of the data and by making more comparisons between the different countries.
Suggestions
- Provide a more detailed analysis of the data and make more comparisons between the different countries. This will help to provide a more comprehensive and nuanced understanding of the data.
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