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Australian exports to four countries: IELTS Task 1 answer #7, band 5.5

A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.

164 words. Marked by Axiom on 20 November 2024. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

The line graph this answer describes

Australian exports to four countries (IELTS Task 1 line graph)Japan, US, China, India for 1990, 1995, 2000, 2005, 2010, 2012, in % of Australian exports. Values are approximate, read from the original chart.0102030199019952000200520102012
Australian exports to four countries (IELTS Task 1 line graph)Japan, US, China, India for 1990, 1995, 2000, 2005, 2010, 2012, in % of Australian exports. Values are approximate, read from the original chart.0102030199020002010
Values in % of Australian exports. Values approximate: read from the original chart, not printed on it.
Show the data
Australian exports to four countries (IELTS Task 1 line graph) (% of Australian exports)
JapanUSChinaIndia
1990261121
199520831
2000181151
2005188115
2010175257
2012177285

Academic Task 1164 words

The graph below shows the percentage of Australian export to 4 countries from 1990 to 2012

The line graph compares the proportion of Australian transport to 4 different countries ( Japan, US, China, India) between 1990 and 2012. Looking from an overall perspective, it is readily apparent that exporting to China over the period, reaching 28 % . Additionally, By contrast, the percentages of transfer to both Japan and Us were decreased throughout the decades.

  1. Grammar & accuracy

    Revised...saw a significant increase...

    Corrected verb form for grammatical accuracy.

  2. Lexical resource

    Revised...exports to India also increased slightly.

    Revised for more formal and precise vocabulary.

However the proportion sharply increased after the decade and reached approximately 28 percent. India began with the same spot as China over throughout the years it was softly increased to 8 % and gently loss 3%,

  1. Coherence & cohesion

    RevisedTurning to details, exports to China started at the lowest point in 1990.

    Rephrased for clarity and grammatical correctness.

  2. Grammar & accuracy

    Revised...ending at 5% in 2012.

    Corrected verb form for clarity and accuracy.

In terms of transportation to Japan started at the top but it was declined from 26 to about 27 percent. Similarly, the transferring to US faced fluctuations during the period which was began with 11 and end at the 6%.

Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.

Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.

Coherence & cohesion

Band 5.0/ 9

The essay presents information in a logical sequence, but there are issues with clarity and cohesion. Transitions between ideas are not always smooth, and some sentences are fragmented or unclear.

Suggestions

  • Use clearer transitions between sentences and paragraphs.
  • Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea.
  • Avoid fragmented sentences.

Sentence revisions 3

  • RevisedLooking from an overall perspective, it is apparent that exports to China increased significantly over the period, reaching 28%.

    The sentence was rephrased for clarity and to avoid passive voice.

  • RevisedTurning to details, exports to China started at the lowest point in 1990.

    Rephrased for clarity and grammatical correctness.

  • RevisedSimilarly, exports to the US fluctuated during the period, starting at 11% and ending at 6%.

    Corrected grammar and improved sentence flow.

Grammar & accuracy

Band 5.0/ 9

The essay contains several grammatical errors, including incorrect verb forms and sentence structures. These errors affect the clarity and readability of the essay.

Sentence revisions 3

  • Revised...saw a significant increase...

    Corrected verb form for grammatical accuracy.

  • Revised...exports to India also increased slightly.

    Corrected verb usage for grammatical correctness.

  • Revised...ending at 5% in 2012.

    Corrected verb form for clarity and accuracy.

Lexical resource

Band 6.0/ 9

The essay uses a range of vocabulary, but some word choices are inappropriate or awkward. There are instances of repetition and incorrect word forms.

Sentence revisions 3

  • Revised...exports to China saw a significant increase...

    Changed 'was witnessed' to 'saw' for correct usage.

  • Revised...exports to India also increased slightly.

    Revised for more formal and precise vocabulary.

  • Revised...exports to China...

    Use 'exports' instead of 'transmitting goods' for accuracy.

Task achievement

Band 6.0/ 9

The essay addresses the task and describes the main trends shown in the graph. However, some details are inaccurate, and there is a lack of specific data to support the descriptions.

Suggestions

  • Include more specific data points from the graph.
  • Ensure accuracy in describing trends and figures.

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