Australian exports to four countries: IELTS Task 1 answer #60, band 7.5

The line graph compares the proportion of exports from Australia to four countries- Japan, the US, China, and India- between 1990 to 2012.

Overall, the chart shows significant shifts in the percentage of Australian exports, with exports to Japan and the USA experiencing pronounced declines, while those to China and India saw upward trends over the given period. It is also noteworthy that China emerged as the leading country for ustralian goods towards the end, overtaking Japan, which consistently made up the highest export rates with Australia for most of the period (until 2007), but the reverse was true in the case of India, accounting for the least export figures by 2005.

1. Coherence & cohesion

   Close revision note

   RevisedIt is also noteworthy that China emerged as the leading country for Australian goods towards the end, overtaking Japan, which consistently had the highest export rates with Australia for most of the period (until 2007). In contrast, India accounted for the least export figures by 2005.

   The sentence is a bit confusing. By making it two separate sentences, the ideas are clearer and more cohesive.

Japan stood out as the dominant country for a prolonged period of time in exporting goods from Australia, despite gradual downward trajectories throughout. In 1990, Japan’s export rate accounted for approximately 25%, after which the figure witnessed a progressive decline over the following years to about 15% in 2008 before remaining relatively stable towards the end.

1. Grammar & accuracy

   Close revision note

   RevisedJapan stood out as the dominant country in exporting goods from Australia for a prolonged period of time, despite experiencing gradual downward trajectories throughout.

   The revised sentence is clearer and more grammatically accurate.

A similar declining pattern was observed in exports to the US, albeit at a much slower rate, standing at around 11% initially, a figure that then fell steadily to virtually 7% in

1995. While the export level of the USA to Australia saw considerable growth to nearly 13% in 1999, the percentage decreased gradually towards the end to reach its low of about 5% in 2012.

1. Grammar & accuracy

   Close revision note

   RevisedWhile the export level of the USA to Australia grew considerably to nearly 13% in 1999, the percentage gradually decreased towards the end, reaching a low of about 5% in 2012.

   The use of 'grew considerably' and 'reaching a low of about 5% in 2012' is more grammatically accurate and provides a clearer picture.

In contrast, China and India exhibited opposing trends in the percentage of exports from Australia over the 22-year-timeframe . In 1990, China’s export share made up a mere 3%, slightly higher than that of India in the same year, at around 1%. The disparity in export levels between both countries expanded staggeringly by the end of the period, with the figure for the former [China] experiencing a substantial yet gradual rise to hit its all-time-high of approximately 30% in the final year, while that of the latter [India] climbed steadily to almost 9% in 2009 before seeing a marginable fall to 5% in 2012.

1. Grammar & accuracy

   Close revision note

   RevisedIn 1990, China’s export share comprised a mere 3%, slightly higher than India’s share in the same year, at around 1%.

   The use of 'comprised' is more appropriate in this context than 'made up'. Also, using 'India’s share' instead of 'that of India' provides more clarity.