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Australian exports to four countries: IELTS Task 1 answer #5, band 6.0

A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.

231 words. Marked by Axiom on 20 November 2024. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

The line graph this answer describes

Australian exports to four countries (IELTS Task 1 line graph)Japan, US, China, India for 1990, 1995, 2000, 2005, 2010, 2012, in % of Australian exports. Values are approximate, read from the original chart.0102030199019952000200520102012
Australian exports to four countries (IELTS Task 1 line graph)Japan, US, China, India for 1990, 1995, 2000, 2005, 2010, 2012, in % of Australian exports. Values are approximate, read from the original chart.0102030199020002010
Values in % of Australian exports. Values approximate: read from the original chart, not printed on it.
Show the data
Australian exports to four countries (IELTS Task 1 line graph) (% of Australian exports)
JapanUSChinaIndia
1990261121
199520831
2000181151
2005188115
2010175257
2012177285

Academic Task 1231 words

The graph below shows the percentage of Australian export to 4 countries from 1990 to 2012

The chart compares the data about the proportion of Australian export to 4 different countries (Japan, the US, China, India) between 1990 to 2012.

  1. Coherence & cohesion

    RevisedOverall, it is evident that China became Australia's largest export market, experiencing a sharp increase by the end of the period.

    Clarifies the sentence and improves cohesion.

  2. Grammar & accuracy

    RevisedHowever, the figures for the once-dominant Japan and the US showed a downward trend throughout the period.

    Corrects the use of 'whereas' and improves sentence structure.

However, after a decade the proportion of export began to raise in both countries, China was about to own the highest upward movement. When it comes to India, it remained stable with a slight incline.

  1. Coherence & cohesion

    RevisedIn 1990, China had the second lowest export rate at almost 3%, while India's rate was 1% lower.

    Simplifies the sentence structure for better clarity.

  2. Grammar & accuracy

    RevisedIn 2010, Australia's share of exports to China increased by approximately 15%, jumping from 10% to 25%.

    Corrects preposition usage for grammatical accuracy.

With regard to Japan and the US, they were the first and the second most countries which used to get products from Australia in 1990 with around 25% and 10%, respectively. By contrast, within 10 years Australia reduced the amount of exported output in Japan, reaching to just below 20%. But the trend moved vice versa, starting in 2005,

  1. Coherence & cohesion

    RevisedWhile there were some fluctuations, the US export rate remained almost stable.

    Corrects the fragment and clarifies the idea.

  2. Grammar & accuracy

    RevisedJapan's trend remained unchanged; in contrast, there was a significant decrease in the US, dropping by 5%.

    Improves punctuation and grammatical accuracy.

Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.

Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.

Coherence & cohesion

Band 6.0/ 9

The essay presents information in a logical order, but transitions between ideas and sentences could be smoother. Some sentences are fragmented, affecting the flow.

Suggestions

  • Use more cohesive devices to link ideas.
  • Avoid sentence fragments.
  • Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea.

Sentence revisions 3

  • RevisedOverall, it is evident that China became Australia's largest export market, experiencing a sharp increase by the end of the period.

    Clarifies the sentence and improves cohesion.

  • RevisedIn 1990, China had the second lowest export rate at almost 3%, while India's rate was 1% lower.

    Simplifies the sentence structure for better clarity.

  • RevisedWhile there were some fluctuations, the US export rate remained almost stable.

    Corrects the fragment and clarifies the idea.

Grammar & accuracy

Band 6.0/ 9

The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but there are some grammatical errors that affect clarity.

Sentence revisions 3

  • RevisedHowever, the figures for the once-dominant Japan and the US showed a downward trend throughout the period.

    Corrects the use of 'whereas' and improves sentence structure.

  • RevisedIn 2010, Australia's share of exports to China increased by approximately 15%, jumping from 10% to 25%.

    Corrects preposition usage for grammatical accuracy.

  • RevisedJapan's trend remained unchanged; in contrast, there was a significant decrease in the US, dropping by 5%.

    Improves punctuation and grammatical accuracy.

Lexical resource

Band 6.0/ 9

The essay uses a range of vocabulary appropriate for the topic, but there are some inaccuracies and repetitions.

Sentence revisions 3

  • RevisedThe chart illustrates the proportion of Australian exports to four different countries.

    Uses more precise vocabulary and corrects number format.

  • RevisedExperiencing a sharp increase by the end of the period.

    Improves lexical choice and grammatical accuracy.

  • RevisedThe proportion of exports began to rise in both countries.

    Corrects verb choice for better lexical accuracy.

Task achievement

Band 6.0/ 9

The essay addresses the task and presents an overview, but some details are inaccurately reported or omitted.

Suggestions

  • Ensure all key trends are accurately described.
  • Include more specific data points to support claims.
  • Avoid inaccuracies in data interpretation.

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