Australian exports to four countries: IELTS Task 1 answer #4, band 6.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
224 words. Marked by Axiom on 20 September 2024. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
The line graph this answer describes
Show the data
| Japan | US | China | India | |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1990 | 26 | 11 | 2 | 1 |
| 1995 | 20 | 8 | 3 | 1 |
| 2000 | 18 | 11 | 5 | 1 |
| 2005 | 18 | 8 | 11 | 5 |
| 2010 | 17 | 5 | 25 | 7 |
| 2012 | 17 | 7 | 28 | 5 |
Academic Task 1224 words
The graph below shows that the percentage of Australian export to 4 countries from 1990 to 2012
Lexical resource
RevisedThe line graph illustrates the changes in the percentage of Australian exports to four countries: Japan, the US, China, and India, between 1990 and 2012.
The use of em dashes is replaced with colons for better clarity.
Lexical resource
RevisedOverall, the proportion of goods exported to Japan and the US consistently declined over the period, whereas it increased for China and India.
Rephrased to avoid repetition and improve clarity.
While the figure for Japan continued to decline thereafter, making up approximately 17% by the end of the period, the proportion of exports to the US recovered to about 11% by 2000.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedExport percentages for Japan and the US followed a similar downward trend from 1990 to 1995, with Japan dropping from about 25% to 20%, and the US hovering around 9%.
The sentence structure is simplified for better readability.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedHowever, from this point, the percentage steadily decreased, reaching roughly 7% by 2012.
The sentence is rephrased for better clarity and flow.
In contrast, the percentages of exports to China and India exhibited an upward trend from 1990 to 2012.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedStarting at just under 3%, the figure for China saw a dramatic increase, peaking at approximately 27% in 2012.
'Roughly' is replaced with 'approximately' for better precision.
Lexical resource
RevisedExport rates in India remained stable at around 2% between 1990 and 2000, followed by a gradual increase to about 6% until 2010.
Rephrased to avoid repetition and improve clarity.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedThis percentage, however, began to decline, reaching 5% by 2012.
Corrected punctuation and removed unnecessary repetition for clarity.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay has a logical flow and adequately describes the trends in the data. However, there are some issues with paragraphing and sentence structure, which affect the overall coherence.
Suggestions
- Improve paragraph structure to clearly separate different points.
- Ensure sentences within paragraphs are logically connected.
- Use linking words more effectively to enhance flow.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedExport percentages for Japan and the US followed a similar downward trend from 1990 to 1995, with Japan dropping from about 25% to 20%, and the US hovering around 9%.
The sentence structure is simplified for better readability.
RevisedHowever, from this point, the percentage steadily decreased, reaching roughly 7% by 2012.
The sentence is rephrased for better clarity and flow.
RevisedThis percentage, however, began to decline, reaching 5% by 2012.
Corrected punctuation and removed unnecessary repetition for clarity.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 5.0/ 9
The essay demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures, but there are several errors and awkward constructions.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedExport percentages for Japan and the US followed a similar downward trend from 1990 to 1995, with Japan dropping from about 25% to 20%, and the US hovering around 9%.
Corrected 'similarly' to 'similar' for grammatical accuracy.
RevisedThis percentage, however, began to decline, reaching 5% by 2012.
Fixed punctuation and removed irrelevant text for grammatical accuracy.
RevisedStarting at just under 3%, the figure for China saw a dramatic increase, peaking at approximately 27% in 2012.
'Roughly' is replaced with 'approximately' for better precision.
Lexical resource
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay uses a range of vocabulary appropriate to the task, but there is some repetition and occasional inaccuracies.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThe line graph illustrates the changes in the percentage of Australian exports to four countries: Japan, the US, China, and India, between 1990 and 2012.
The use of em dashes is replaced with colons for better clarity.
RevisedOverall, the proportion of goods exported to Japan and the US consistently declined over the period, whereas it increased for China and India.
Rephrased to avoid repetition and improve clarity.
RevisedExport rates in India remained stable at around 2% between 1990 and 2000, followed by a gradual increase to about 6% until 2010.
Rephrased to avoid repetition and improve clarity.
Task achievement
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task effectively, describing the main trends and providing relevant details. However, there are minor inaccuracies and some details are missing.
Suggestions
- Ensure all key trends and data points are accurately described.
- Avoid unnecessary repetition and irrelevant details.
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