Employment in five types of work: IELTS Task 1 answer #66, band 6.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
163 words. Marked by Axiom on 27 July 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
The bar chart this answer describes
Show the data
| 2001 | 2008 | |
|---|---|---|
| Sales | 155,000 | 165,000 |
| Accounting | 66,000 | 58,000 |
| Computing | 59,000 | 79,000 |
| Nursing | 56,000 | 60,000 |
| Farming | 29,000 | 19,000 |
Academic Task 1163 words
The chart below shows the number of people employed in five types of work on one region of Australia in 2001 and 2008.
the bar chart compares the number of people employed in five various of work on one region of Australia from 2001 to 2008. Notably , sales has the highest type of work, that dominated in both years.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedOverall, employment numbers increased in most sectors, with the exception of accounting and farming, which experienced slight declines.
The sentence was revised for clarity and to avoid repetition.
focusing on upward trends first,the computing sector employed 60.000 people in 2001. Similarly,the nursing was standing at 60.000 people in first year, and grew slightly to nearly 62.000 people the second year. While sales experienced significant rise from approximately 150.000 people to 163.000.
Lexical resource
RevisedThe number increased moderately to 80,000 people in 2008.
Corrected the use of 'figure' and improved precision.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedSales remained the dominant sector throughout the period.
Clarified the sentence to improve coherence.
On the other hand, accounting and farming witnessed slight decline over the period.
Lexical resource
RevisedFirstly, accounting began with 63,000 employees in 2001 and dropped to 59,000 in 2008.
Corrected vocabulary errors and improved sentence structure.
Lexical resource
RevisedFarming started with about 30,000 workers in 2001 and declined to 20,000 in 2008.
Removed repetition and improved clarity.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay presents information in a logical order but lacks clear linking phrases and cohesive devices.
Suggestions
- Use more linking words to improve flow.
- Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea.
- Avoid repetition of ideas.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOverall, employment numbers increased in most sectors, with the exception of accounting and farming, which experienced slight declines.
The sentence was revised for clarity and to avoid repetition.
RevisedNotably, sales was the dominant sector in both years.
Simplified the sentence for clarity and coherence.
RevisedSales remained the dominant sector throughout the period.
Clarified the sentence to improve coherence.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 5.0/ 9
The essay contains several grammatical errors and lacks complex structures.
Lexical resource
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay uses a limited range of vocabulary with some repetition and minor errors.
Sentence revisions 4
RevisedThe number increased moderately to 80,000 people in 2008.
Corrected the use of 'figure' and improved precision.
RevisedSimilarly, nursing employed 60,000 people in the first year, growing slightly to nearly 62,000 in the second year.
Improved vocabulary and sentence structure for clarity.
RevisedFirstly, accounting began with 63,000 employees in 2001 and dropped to 59,000 in 2008.
Corrected vocabulary errors and improved sentence structure.
RevisedFarming started with about 30,000 workers in 2001 and declined to 20,000 in 2008.
Removed repetition and improved clarity.
Task achievement
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task and includes relevant data but lacks depth in analysis.
Suggestions
- Include more detailed comparisons.
- Provide more insights into the data trends.
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