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Employment in five types of work: IELTS Task 1 answer #67, band 5.5

A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.

168 words. Marked by Axiom on 27 July 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

The bar chart this answer describes

Employment in five types of work (IELTS Task 1 bar chart)2001, 2008 for Sales, Accounting, Computing, Nursing, Farming, in people. Values are approximate, read from the original chart.050,000100,000150,000200,000SalesAccountingComputingNursingFarming
Employment in five types of work (IELTS Task 1 bar chart)2001, 2008 for Sales, Accounting, Computing, Nursing, Farming, in people. Values are approximate, read from the original chart.050,000100,000150,000200,000SalesAccountingComputingNursingFarming
Values in people. Values approximate: read from the original chart, not printed on it.
Show the data
Employment in five types of work (IELTS Task 1 bar chart) (people)
20012008
Sales155,000165,000
Accounting66,00058,000
Computing59,00079,000
Nursing56,00060,000
Farming29,00019,000

Academic Task 1168 words

The chart below shows the number of people employed in five types of work on one region of Australia in 2001 and 2008.

The bar chart compares the amount of employed people in Australia in five types of work on one region in 2001 and 2008. Overall, all types of work rose to albeit in varying degrees on one region except Accounting and Farming. Notably, man employed in Sales work saw a slight rise and peak off all-time period of the chart, while farming work among individuals was the lowest number of employed work in graph.

Similarly, the employed number of Computing went up modestly from 59.000 to 80.000.

  1. Coherence & cohesion

    RevisedFocusing on the upward trends first, around 155,000 people were employed in Sales in 2001, and this figure slightly increased to 164,000 in 2008.

    Improved sentence flow and clarity.

  2. Lexical resource

    RevisedMeanwhile, employment in Nursing grew slightly from around 59,000 to 61,000.

    Enhanced vocabulary use and sentence structure.

  1. Coherence & cohesion

    RevisedOn the other hand, 65,000 people were employed in Accounting in 2001, and this number dropped to approximately 59,000 in 2008.

    Clarified the timeline and improved sentence structure.

  2. Grammar & accuracy

    RevisedStanding at 30,000 people in 2001, its figure declined to around 19,000, resulting in Farming having the lowest employment figures.

    Corrected possessive pronoun and improved sentence clarity.

Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.

Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.

Coherence & cohesion

Band 6.0/ 9

The essay presents information in a logical order but lacks clear linking devices and transitions between ideas.

Suggestions

  • Use more linking words to connect ideas.
  • Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea.
  • Avoid abrupt transitions between sections.

Sentence revisions 3

  • RevisedOverall, all types of work increased in varying degrees in the region, except for Accounting and Farming.

    Clarified the sentence structure and improved coherence.

  • RevisedFocusing on the upward trends first, around 155,000 people were employed in Sales in 2001, and this figure slightly increased to 164,000 in 2008.

    Improved sentence flow and clarity.

  • RevisedOn the other hand, 65,000 people were employed in Accounting in 2001, and this number dropped to approximately 59,000 in 2008.

    Clarified the timeline and improved sentence structure.

Grammar & accuracy

Band 5.0/ 9

The essay contains several grammatical errors and lacks complex sentence structures.

Sentence revisions 3

  • RevisedOverall, all types of work increased in varying degrees in the region, except for Accounting and Farming.

    Corrected grammatical errors and improved sentence structure.

  • RevisedStanding at 30,000 people in 2001, its figure declined to around 19,000, resulting in Farming having the lowest employment figures.

    Corrected possessive pronoun and improved sentence clarity.

  • RevisedMeanwhile, employment in Nursing grew slightly from around 59,000 to 61,000.

    Improved grammatical structure and sentence completeness.

Lexical resource

Band 6.0/ 9

The essay uses a range of vocabulary but lacks precision and variety in some areas.

Sentence revisions 4

  • RevisedNotably, employment in Sales saw a slight rise, reaching its peak during the period covered by the chart.

    Corrected vocabulary usage and improved clarity.

  • RevisedSimilarly, the number of people employed in Computing increased modestly from 59,000 to 80,000.

    Improved vocabulary precision and clarity.

  • RevisedMeanwhile, employment in Nursing grew slightly from around 59,000 to 61,000.

    Enhanced vocabulary use and sentence structure.

  • Revisedresulting in Farming having the lowest employment figures.

    Improved vocabulary choice for clarity.

Task achievement

Band 6.0/ 9

The essay addresses the task but lacks detailed analysis and some data is inaccurately represented.

Suggestions

  • Provide more detailed comparisons.
  • Ensure accurate representation of data.
  • Include more specific figures where relevant.

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