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Employment in five types of work: IELTS Task 1 answer #65, band 5.5

A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.

162 words. Marked by Axiom on 27 July 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

The bar chart this answer describes

Employment in five types of work (IELTS Task 1 bar chart)2001, 2008 for Sales, Accounting, Computing, Nursing, Farming, in people. Values are approximate, read from the original chart.050,000100,000150,000200,000SalesAccountingComputingNursingFarming
Employment in five types of work (IELTS Task 1 bar chart)2001, 2008 for Sales, Accounting, Computing, Nursing, Farming, in people. Values are approximate, read from the original chart.050,000100,000150,000200,000SalesAccountingComputingNursingFarming
Values in people. Values approximate: read from the original chart, not printed on it.
Show the data
Employment in five types of work (IELTS Task 1 bar chart) (people)
20012008
Sales155,000165,000
Accounting66,00058,000
Computing59,00079,000
Nursing56,00060,000
Farming29,00019,000

Academic Task 1162 words

The chart below shows the number of people employed in five types of work on one region of Australia in 2001 and 2008.

the bar chart compares the number of people employed in five various of work on one region of Australia from 2001 to 2008. Notably , sales has the highest type of work, that dominated in both years.

  1. Coherence & cohesion

    RevisedOverall, the number of people employed increased in most sectors, except for accounting and farming, which saw slight decreases.

    Clarified the sentence structure and improved coherence.

Similarly,the nursing was standing at 60.000 people in first year, and grew slightly to nearly 62.000 people the second year. While sales experienced significant rise from approximately 150.000 people to 163.000.

  1. Coherence & cohesion

    RevisedFocusing on upward trends first, the computing sector employed 60,000 people in 2001.

    Specified which sector is being discussed for clarity.

  2. Lexical resource

    RevisedThe figure increased moderately to 80,000 people in 2008.

    Corrected vocabulary usage and punctuation.

  3. Coherence & cohesion

    RevisedSales remained the dominant sector throughout the period.

    Improved sentence clarity and coherence.

On the other hand, accounting and farming witnessed slight decline over the period.

  1. Grammar & accuracy

    RevisedFirstly, accounting began with 63,000 employees in 2001 and dropped to 59,000 in 2008.

    Corrected verb tense and word choice.

  2. Grammar & accuracy

    RevisedFarming started with about 30,000 workers in 2001 and declined to 20,000 in 2008.

    Removed redundancy and corrected punctuation.

Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.

Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.

Coherence & cohesion

Band 5.0/ 9

The essay presents information in a logical order but lacks clear paragraphing and transitions.

Suggestions

  • Use clear paragraphing to separate different trends.
  • Include linking words to improve flow.
  • Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea.

Sentence revisions 3

  • RevisedOverall, the number of people employed increased in most sectors, except for accounting and farming, which saw slight decreases.

    Clarified the sentence structure and improved coherence.

  • RevisedFocusing on upward trends first, the computing sector employed 60,000 people in 2001.

    Specified which sector is being discussed for clarity.

  • RevisedSales remained the dominant sector throughout the period.

    Improved sentence clarity and coherence.

Grammar & accuracy

Band 5.0/ 9

The essay contains several grammatical errors and lacks complex sentence structures.

Sentence revisions 3

  • RevisedFocusing on upward trends first, 60,000 people in Australia were employed in computing in 2001.

    Corrected capitalization and added specificity.

  • RevisedFirstly, accounting began with 63,000 employees in 2001 and dropped to 59,000 in 2008.

    Corrected verb tense and word choice.

  • RevisedFarming started with about 30,000 workers in 2001 and declined to 20,000 in 2008.

    Removed redundancy and corrected punctuation.

Lexical resource

Band 6.0/ 9

The essay uses a range of vocabulary but includes some inaccuracies and repetition.

Sentence revisions 4

  • Revisedemployment numbers increased to varying extents

    Improved vocabulary precision.

  • Revisedsales was the largest sector, dominating in both years.

    Corrected verb tense and improved vocabulary.

  • RevisedThe figure increased moderately to 80,000 people in 2008.

    Corrected vocabulary usage and punctuation.

  • RevisedAustralia

    Corrected spelling error.

Task achievement

Band 6.0/ 9

The essay addresses the task but lacks detailed data and analysis.

Suggestions

  • Include more specific data from the chart.
  • Provide a more detailed analysis of trends.
  • Ensure all sectors are covered equally.

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